Greg Gutfeld: What the 2020 election means for everyone

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Greg Gutfeld: What the 2020 election means for everyone

Greg Gutfeld covers the final push to election day.

Oct. 31, 2020 – This is a rush transcript from “The Greg Gutfeld Show” October 31, 2020. This copy may not be in its final form and may be updated.

GREG GUTFELD, FOX NEWS HOST:  Three days away and the race is tighter than Michael Moore's yoga pants. Speaking of M squared, I wonder if he thinks you should not believe the polls. 

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP) 

MICHAEL MOORE, FILMMAKER:  Listen, don't believe these polls. The Trump vote is always being undercounted. Whatever they are saying the Biden lead is, cut it in half right now in your head, cut it in half, and now you're within the four point margin of error. 

That's how close this is. That's how desperately close this is.

(END VIDEO CLIP) 

GUTFELD:  Large Marge is right, though, maybe you should cut his meals in half. It is close, really close, closer than the bunk beds in the Neverland Ranch. And Trump voters, they keep it close -- close to their vests. That's what happened last time. 

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP) 

DONALD TRUMP (R), PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES:  That's what happened last time, they thought I was going to lose because everyone walking out the exit polls, they would walk out. Who you voted for? None of your business. 

Everybody that said none of your business. They were Trump voters. 

It's not none of your business. There is a much better word. It is two words ... 

[LAUGHTER] 

TRUMP:   ... that they say. And then the votes came and it was -- that was

brutally big for a lot of anchors that were crying. 

(END VIDEO CLIP) 

GUTFELD:  That they were. So how did that happen? Well, first ponder 50

Cent: rapper, businessman, shot more times than Dick Cheney's lawyer. But after he endorsed Trump, he folded faster than Marie Kondo on meth. When his crazy ex, Chelsea Handler chose to publicly humiliate him until he said he was backing Joe, which he did or so he swore. 

This is what we call in layman's terms, lying to get the nut bag out of your house before she boils your cat, because you know when 50 is alone in that booth on Tuesday, he'll vote Trump. Trump offers the largest GDP jump in history. Joe offers the largest tax increase in history and discounts on Ovaltine. 

Mr. Cent ain't stupid. Well, he was stupid for dating Handler, but he did it so we wouldn't have to. So he'll vote Trump and so will a lot of people who also won't be saying so. That's the real story. Preference falsification, i.e. lying to escape the wrath of dolts. 

50 Cent's lament is a microcosm for this is the first time in my life that you can't say who you're going to vote for. Well, unless it's Joe, but plant a Trump sign in your front yard, you know, some Medusa, who OD'd on "The View" on Valium will defecate on your front lawn. That's pure joy. 

And the media encourages such attacks: violence, vandalism, vows of retribution. That's why you can't trust the polls. It's like asking children the night before Christmas, if they've been naughty or nice.

You'll get a whole lot of nice and no naughty. 

And voting Trump thanks to the media, it is very naughty. 

My advice: if one political faction tries to intimidate you into doing what they say, don't, because that's what we Americans do. It's also the rotten thing to do. 

Yes, authentic radicals like Johnny Rotten endorsed Trump without pause. It says something when the most important rebel in recent history sees the same rebel instinct and Trump got to listen to him and not to poor Bruce Springsteen, who was born to run away, saying he will escape to Australia if Trump wins. 

Once again, they never say Mexico. Mexico: beautiful, cheap, great beaches, yet it's never Mexico. 

Could it be the brown people, Bruce? I guess, the darkness on the edge of town wasn't so appealing after all. 

Meanwhile, the rappers love Trump -- Kanye, Ice Cube, 50 Cent, and now Lil Wayne. He is little. Why is that? Well, they are businessmen who work hard and understand that the only color that matters is green, and Trump makes the green grow for all. And that's why Trump is closer to the street than most pigeons. 

Oh, you can hate him. Fine. But no one supporting him, including the man himself is threatening those who aren't. The other side, well, imagine running into this pack. 

Video clip lays 

GUTFELD:  Yes. There are so many more reasons to vote for Trump than in 2016. And one is a lemon. 

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP) 

DON LEMON, CNN ANCHOR:  There are a lot of friends who I had to really get rid of because they are so nonsensical when it comes to this issue. They have the whole -- every single talking point that they hear on state TV, and that they hear from this president -- I had to get rid of them because they are too far gone. 

(END VIDEO CLIP) 

GUTFELD:  He had a lot of friends. Fake News. So you're saying if you support Trump, Lemon will drop you. Done deal screams America. But what BS. 

Like he had friends who like Trump? That's like saying Stelter has friends.

Period. But today you have hard leftists and never Trumpers both saying the same thing. When this is over, we're coming for you. 

Now, you can't let the side that uses intimidation and fear win. Reward extortion, it'll repeat itself until America becomes Cuba minus the cigars.

The country will become a woke wasteland run by malicious cretins. 

Oddly voting against the Dems could save the Dems. It's an act of tough love for a party paralyzed by delusional psychosis. For their own good, they must lose. The left has been operating on fear for years. Now, they've goose stepped all the way to your doorstep. 

Wear a red hat, you're punch, refused a chance at a diner, you're doxed. 

So this isn't a vote about character or race. It's about freedom, the freedom to express yourself to rebel. It's a choice between being Johnny Rotten and being truly rotten, which is really no choice at all. 

ANNOUNCER:  Period. 

GUTFELD:  Let's welcome tonight's guests. Like a porcupine and a bowl of spaghetti, he is sharp and red all over, "Washington Times" opinion editor and FOX News contributor, Charlie Hurt. 

He is a man of conviction and a writer of fiction, author of "Up in the Air," Walter Kirn. 

She is a twig with an electronic cig. Host of "Sincerely Kat" on FOX Nation, Kat Timpf. 

And he is so tall, squirrels try to hide their nuts in him. My massive sidekick and host of "Nuff Said" on FOX Nation, Tyrus. 

Oh yes, sorry about that one, Tyrus, I couldn't help it. Anyway, Charlie, have you ever seen a political faction more emotional or irrational than the left right now? 

CHARLIE HURT, FOX BUSINESS NETWORK CONTRIBUTOR:  No, it's -- I really do think that President Trump has broken them. He has broken them on so many fronts and given us the clearest choice, I think, that we've ever seen in terms of between whether you just love America or you hate America. 

I mean, we've never had a clearer choice than this. But nowhere has he broken them more clearly than with the games that they've been playing for a long time about race in politics and trying to divide everybody by race. 

And watching these guys, these rappers come out in favor of Donald Trump, because Donald Trump was talking about something, not the divided us, not finding irrelevant things about us that are different, but finding things that matter to all of us equally as you pointed out, the green and appealing to them. 

And of course, it takes the boldest people to step forward and say, you know what, screw it. I'm going to go with this guy. And by the way, I think you're right. I think 50 Cent is voting for Trump. I don't care what he says. 

GUTFELD:  Of course. 

HURT:  There are not enough crazy ex-girlfriends in the world to keep the Trump voters from supporting Donald Trump. 

GUTFELD:  You don't know some of the things I've said that aren't true to get women out of my life, Walter. Walter, I haven't talked to you in a long time. What are your thoughts on this upcoming election? 

WALTER KIRN, NOVELIST/LITERARY CRITIC:  Well, first of all, I'm dug in here in Montana. You can't tell that from this television screen. But I've been spending all my days alone in a cabin with Costco Chili, 12 gauge shotguns and porcupines. 

And I win either way, no matter what happens. 

See if there's rioting and civil disorder after this, I probably will emerge King of the Rocky Mountains and Anushka will be chopping my firewood for the next 10 years. If Biden wins, I simply ignore him. Call a lid on the next five years, like he has called a lid on the last five months and read "War and Peace." 

So I'm set, man. I'm set. 

GUTFELD:  That's Good. Kat, do you -- what would you like to talk about? 50 Cent and Chelsea Handler or what you are preparing for. 

KATHERINE TIMPF, FOX NEWS CHANNEL CONTRIBUTOR:  All of -- I think you were a little hard on Chelsea Handler, honestly. Do you remember she did that Netflix thing? Hello, privileged, it's me, Chelsea. 

GUTFELD:  Right. 

TIMPF:  I think that that was probably very, very impactful for every single one of the 14 people who watched it. So just to be clear on that.

But I think what we're all missing about the Ice Cube thing in particular, is that he didn't at all endorse Trump or say, hey, I'm this Trump guy. He was working with both sides. 

GUTFELD:  Right. 

TIMPF:  Like he was like, I want to help fellow black Americans. This is more important to me than politics and people still went nuts. It's like doing this could help black Americans, but you still can't talk to him. I mean, what are we doing here? Truly. 

GUTFELD:  I don't know what we're doing here. Seriously, I'm not sure what I'm doing right now. Tyrus? 

TIMPF:  I'm in a van, so -- 

GUTFELD:  I know you're in a van. But you're used to being in a van you sick person. Tyrus, what are your predictions for Tuesday? Do you have any?

How do you feel? 

GEORGE "TYRUS" MURDOCH, FOX NEWS CHANNEL CONTRIBUTOR:  Well, first of all, I wish a damn squirrel would try. Okay. Every time I come outside, they run the other way. You know, so there ain't no squirrels laying no nuts on me, bruh. 

You know what, I mean? I am serious --  

GUTFELD:  I knew you weren't going to let that go. So -- 

MURDOCH:  No, I couldn't. I am an American, damn it, and I couldn't let that go down. This election is really going to come down to who is going to be responsible. Now, I'm making a pledge. 

If the Democratic side wins, I'm going to do everything I can to try to support any device, try to put one step forward and working with them because I feel it's the losing side's responsibility to try to loosen up, tighten up the divide a little bit. 

Because they didn't do that, when they didn't get their way, and we've got to be better than them. But on the other hand, if the Republican side wins, we're -- you know, are we going to go through more YouTube videos of people screaming and unrest, and pushing that narrative out there? 

So I'm challenging the Don Lemons of the world and stuff who let people -- friendships go because of political beliefs. You need to work really hard to close that gap to be like, you know what, we've got four years of this, we've got to find a common ground. 

I think that message needs to go out to everyone because regardless of who wins, we're still all Americans, and I think it's important to start acting like Americans towards each other, regardless of who wins. 

I'm putting -- I am telling you right now, if the Republican Party -- if we lose, I'm going to do everything I can to try to work with a Democratic side. 

GUTFELD:  Absolutely. And if Biden wins, he is my President. Day one -- the day that he is inaugurated, he is my President, and I will -- and I will wipe the slate clean, and then I see what he does, of course, oh, we'll talk about that in the next block or the block after that. 

All right. We've got to move on. There's a new show in support of my latest book, "The Plus." South Carolina that's where I'm going. Columbia Speedway, Sunday, December 13th. 

This is the final live show of the year. Tickets now available@greggutfeld.com for info, so up next, what really happens if Donald Trump wins? 

(COMMERCIAL BREAK) 

GUTFELD:  What are your hopes and fears if Trump gets four more years? If he is re-elected Tuesday, here's what we might see: lower taxes, rebounding economy, continued lower unemployment, historic Mideast peace, 3:00 a.m.

tweets beginning at 2:00 a.m.; America welcome welcoming home more troops, Australia welcoming Bruce Springsteen, a woman on the moon and an astronaut on Mars. 

You know, we get all these rich guys. They love sending rockets up. 

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP) 

TRUMP:  We get all of these rich guys, right? We're getting all of these guys, very rich guys. They love sending rockets up. I say, go ahead. You could use our property. Pay us simply, so they give us a little rent and they pay and they spend a lot of money on those rockets. Elon, Bezos likes rockets. They all like rockets. 

(END VIDEO CLIP) 

GUTFELD:  That they do. All right, but first preparing for the worst. A "U.S.A. Today" poll shows three out of four voters are concerned about violence on Election Day and afterwards. Storefronts across the country have started boarding up. 

Rodeo Drive in Beverly Hills will be closed Tuesday and Wednesday.

Meanwhile, the mayor of NYC abandons his citizens at a time of impending violence and the rich who support him don't mind because they can afford armed guards at their apartments and endure the results of their destructive choices. 

Still, streets may be closed, but America will be back and open for business. Four more years of Trump means the opportunity to pursue what matters most. For me, it's getting my Pringles back from that monkey. 

[VIDEO CLIP PLAYS] 

GUTFELD:  Serves you right for feeding chips to a monkey. Terrible. You make terrible parents. 

Hey, Walter, are you there? I was waiting for the screen to come up. 

KIRN:  Yes. I am. 

GUTFELD:  I thought I'd lost everybody. All right. 

KIRN:  Yes. 

GUTFELD:  So my neighborhood, won't say where it is, already boarded up. It looks like they are preparing for Hurricane Sandy and this isn't because they believe Biden is going to win, right? It's because if Trump wins, the other side is going to riot. 

Why is nobody pointing out this really, really obvious fact. Shouldn't this be like an every news hour that every city is being boarded up because they think Biden is going to lose? That seems to be the lead. It should be the lead of every story. 

KIRN:  Well, first of all, you're absolutely right. I mean, there are two kinds of polls. The ones that people you know, the BS polls, people on the phone, and the ones with power drills out on the street putting plywood up. 

GUTFELD:  Yes. 

KIRN:  It's obvious what's expected, and it's obvious who it is expected from. Now, you know, if Biden won, Trump supporters are just going to go do overtime so they can pay the extra taxes. If Trump wins, Biden's people who don't -- you know, artwork in any way are going to be on our butts. 

But I'm not worried about the violence in the streets. I'm worried about the suicides in the boardrooms, the expert class of America if Trump wins, it's going to take the biggest dive since the Titanic. The mask will be off. Don Lemon will be Don Prune. 

I mean, Nate Silver will be Nate Bronze forever. 

We have heard nonstop from people that Biden has this in the bag. And we all know in our guts it's not true. And on Tuesday if it really turns out not to be true, you're going to see a whole new media, Greg, luckily, you will survive. A lot won't. 

GUTFELD:  Well, I don't know, Tyrus. I may not survive this week. I have no idea. I just -- I kind of want to be knocked unconscious with like some kind of drug. 

MURDOCH:  I got you. 

GUTFELD:  Okay, thank you. 

MURDOCH:  You don't need a drug. No, just come here, I'll put a -- just a little. You go right to sleep like a little baby. I'll even carry you in.

Tuck you in. 

GUTFELD:  But can you wake me up though? Like, if you knock me out for a week? Oh, you know what -- 

MURDOCH:  Here's what I'll do. 

GUTFELD:  Okay. 

MURDOCH:  I will knock you out. 

GUTFELD:  Yes. 

MURDOCH:  And then shake you awake. And then right when you like, get ready to, I'm going to tell us, I'll do it again and we'll just follow through with that as long as, you know, your little body can hold up. We'll just wake you up and put you down. You know, no problem. No drugs at all.

Completely drug free. 

GUTFELD:  That's it. Like that's a natural remedy. It's a natural. Tyrus'

fist. I think you should market that. It sure beats the My Pillow. 

MURDOCH:  I think I just did. 

GUTFELD:  All right. 

MURDOCH:  Yes. 

GUTFELD:  I don't know where I'm going. Kat, Trump wins. What do you foresee? 

TIMPF:  Yes, look, I agree with you, Greg. Actually, I want to talk to those people, the one in four who apparently think next week is just going to be like, super chill. I want to talk to them so I can talk to my psychiatrist and get whatever it is they are on. 

Because I've been super stressed out, which I think is interesting because normally anxiety has to do with uncertainty about the future. And I'm actually very steadfast and confident in the belief that no matter what happens next week, it is going to be very bad. 

GUTFELD:  Right. 

TIMPF:  People are going to be very emotional, very upset. So I don't know, for some reason, that's not helping me to calm down, knowing that I don't have to worry about whether it's going to be bad, I know it is. 

GUTFELD:  Yes. 

TIMPF:  There is nothing any of us can do about it. 

GUTFELD:  That's what drives me crazy. I feel like there's been an abdication, Charlie, where we're like, okay, everywhere, it's like the -- when you're looking at the boarded up buildings, there is a message saying that local government can't protect you, you're on your own, so that everybody goes to Home Depot and then prays. 

And I'm sitting and I'm like, running around talking to my friends going like, am I panicking? Am I overdoing it? And nobody is saying, no, Greg, no. And I've talked to law enforcement, and it's like -- they're like, at least, they are out on the street now, as opposed to back in June when it got bad, but what are your thoughts? Am I losing my crap on this stuff? 

HURT:  No, I think that -- and I think a big reason -- one good thing that I think will happen, if Trump wins is a whole bunch of pollsters are going to go out of business. And that will be very good for the Republic. It'll be very good for politics. There's too much polling as it is. And there's too much bad polling, as we saw four years ago. 

And if Trump manages to win after what all of these polls have been predicting for the past, you know, six to eight months. It will -- it'll be extraordinary and it'll be a damnation of these -- of the pollsters like 10 times what it was, I think, in 2016, because this time, they know the guy can win. 

Last time, they just thought there was no way he could possibly win. 

GUTFELD:  Right. 

HURT:  But there is a real, real damage that is done when they put out these polls and if it turns out that they are wrong, and that is that it undermines people's faith in our electoral system. So it's kind of hard to blame all of those Biden's supporters or those Trump haters because there aren't really any Biden supporters, there are just Trump haters out there -

- all of these Trump haters who think that they have got it in the bag, and there's no way he doesn't win. 

What happens when we wake up on Wednesday and Trump wins re-election? Those people are going to lose their money minds and it will be because of all the crap they've been fed for nine months now. 

GUTFELD:  Yes, you know, I forgot Tyrus, to ask you what you foresee if Trump wins quickly? 

MURDOCH:  Oh, I see that my tax bracket will remain the same and that's good for my bottom line. And that's where I'm going. 

HURT:  Amen. 

MURDOCH:  I stick to -- I stick to I like his policy still. And COVID aside, I think he was on his way to an easy re-election, but I don't think any President or profit for that matter that could find a way to get through COVID without getting some serious damage. It's really a tough thing that we're all going through. 

GUTFELD:  That is a fair point by Tyrus. 

Up next: what if Biden wins? We discuss which country we will move to next.

Mexico. 

(COMMERCIAL BREAK) 

GUTFELD:  What will you notice if Joe becomes POTUS? Assuming Joe Biden is successful on November 3rd, there's a lot we can expect in his first term, mainly President Kamala Harris. Yes. But the good news doesn't stop there, does it? 

As for Joe's son, Hunter, a Federal investigation is underway regarding his foreign business dealings if he's lucky, and speculation continues to grow, about how much Joe knew. Who knows Hunter might be the next Secretary of State. 

On that note, many progressives are angling for Cabinet positions so we could end up with Elizabeth Warren as Treasury Secretary, Bernie Sanders as Labor Secretary and my fav, the ghost of Karl Marx as Chief of Staff. 

There's lots to look forward to in Biden's America, like more of this: 

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP) 

JOE BIDEN (D), DEMOCRATIC PRESIDENTIAL NOMINEE:  Barack and I think it's a right for people to have (INAUDIBLE). 

(END VIDEO CLIP) 

GUTFELD:  I love that part. Oh and this. 

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP) 

BIDEN:  I'll lay an effective strategy to mobile true (INAUDIBLE) to pressure. 

(END VIDEO CLIP) 

GUTFELD:  I didn't quite get that. Can we do that one more time? 

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP) 

BIDEN:   ... true (INAUDIBLE) pressure. 

(END VIDEO CLIP) 

GUTFELD:  Still didn't get it. Let's put it through the Biden translator. 

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP) 

UNIDENTIFIED MALE:  I love THE GREG GUTFELD SHOW. 

(END VIDEO CLIP) 

GUTFELD:  You know what? Maybe he won't be a bad President after all. All right, Tyrus. Admit it, let's say Biden wins. It kind of could be fun. It could be fun. 

MURDOCH:  Come on, man. If the VP wins, yes, it'll be real fun for about an hour, every Saturday night at 10:00 p.m. Eastern only on FOX News. But outside of that, I would have tremendous concerns in terms of what his first hundred days would look like. 

He would have to get a lot of things done. They've made some really big statements on how they are going to handle COVID, and he has to deal with a Civil War inside the Democratic Party. How much of them are going to go with him or are going to work with him? 

They are doing anything they want to get elected, but we've often seen historically, when the Democrats get in, all bets are off. We saw this before when Barack Obama was President. He had the Senate, he had the House, and still couldn't get things done. Because there's two parties, a Socialist Party hiding in the Democratic Party, which is growing bigger and then you have the extreme ones that want us all to go ride cows off to lava pits. 

And it's just really crazy how they're going to come together. And at the same time, worrying about what Darth Vader and Emperor Trump are going to do now they are not the President, because it's not like President Trump is going to go away. 

GUTFELD:  That is such a good. That is a huge point. We're actually going to have two Presidents. We're going to have a President in the White House, and then the roving President who is just outside having a blast, and sucking up all the air like he is doing right now, Kat. 

To this point, there will be a change if Biden wins in the media in the sense that you will see a return to the hibernation before Trump. Remember every day was an outrage and outrage and outrage. But those go away with Biden, right? They will be chasing down those rabbit holes or whatever you want to call them. Was that a question? 

TIMPF:  Yes, yes. Well, that very much concerns me, right, especially when you talk about some of the things that there have floated and all politics aside, but just as an American, the idea of a 62 percent tax rate in the United States is insane, like, welcome to the land of opportunity where you can work hard and become successful. And then once you do, we take it; if you won't let us take it, you get arrested, and no, you can't know what it's for just because it's your money doesn't make it your business. 

And that, you know, by the way, like they don't spend the money with the ideas of the people in mind. It's all about what the special interest groups and the war machine wants because people in power like staying in power. 

I really hate this narrative that the left pushes that if I want small government, I don't want huge taxes. That means I want people to be sick, and I want people to be poor. I don't care about those things. 

No, that means that I just happen to think that perhaps just because there is a problem, that doesn't mean that government tyranny is automatically the solution. It's just this grand scale manipulation and people need to wake up. 

GUTFELD:  Somebody is voting for the libertarian ticket on Tuesday. 

All right, Charlie, what Tyrus said, is actually really -- I mean, think about the fact that the media is not going to be able to let go of Trump so easily because they are addicted to him. He is their drug. 

So if he leaves the White House, they are going to be doing other stories about Trump, different stories about Trump because they know that he brings in the eyeballs. 

HURT:  Yes, no, it's totally true. The most reasonable argument against Donald Trump's re-election is the make it stop coalition of people who just want all of it to stop and I do understand that. 

We shouldn't spend as much time as we do, thinking about and talking about the leader of our Federal government. But -- and Tyrus is exactly right. 

Donald Trump is not going away. If he loses, he is going to be perhaps even more present than he is right now. 

GUTFELD:  Yes. 

HURT:  On the flip side, if Joe Biden loses, he is totally going away. He might even go away if he wins. 

GUTFELD:  That's true. 

TIMPF:  He has already gone away. 

HURT:  And we're going to spend four years talking about Hunter Biden's laptop, and I've already heard more about our Hunter Biden's laptop than I want to hear and I haven't heard anything about it. 

GUTFELD:  That's true. There are things on that laptop. You don't want to touch because it's contagious. 

HURT:  No. 

GUTFELD:  Walter, what do you see in a Biden presidency? 

KIRN:  Well, Biden has already told us. He promised us a dark winter. He is the first presidential candidate who has run on a -- you know, fear and loathing of America platform and he has us that we're going to get sicker and poorer. We're going to have masks on. We're not going back to school.

Taxes are going to go up. 

And the fact is, that's when celebrities are really going to leave the country just like they did in Great Britain. If you've ever heard the song "Band on the Run" by Paul McCartney, celebrities leave countries when the marginal tax rate gets to a certain point and 50 Cent is going to be 10,000 pesos living in Mexico City. 

So anyway, what's going to happen if Biden wins is we're going to be in a dark, depressing tunnel of COVID and fear, and there's no end in sight. And that's exactly what he has promised for some bizarre reason. 

GUTFELD:  A dark tunnel of COVID and fear. Sounds like a club I used to go to. 

Up next: is it the worst clown ever or the worst doctor ever? You decide. 

(COMMERCIAL BREAK) 

GUTFELD:  There's no getting around this creepy clown. A video of an Oregon Health official -- aren't we all -- announcing the state's latest COVID deaths went viral this week. Watch closely if you can guess why. 

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP) 

DR. CLAIRE POCHE, SENIOR HEALTH ADVISER, OREGON HEALTH AUTHORITY:  Hello, I'm Dr. Claire Poche. I'm a general pediatrician and also a senior health adviser here at the Oregon Health Authority. As of today, there have been

38,160 cases of COVID-19 in Oregon, with 390 new cases being reported today. 

Sadly, we are also reporting three deaths today, bringing the statewide total for COVID-19 related deaths to 608. 

(END VIDEO CLIP) 

GUTFELD:  That was terrifying. It turns out the clown costume was part of a discussion on celebrating Halloween safely during the pandemic -- they should have told us -- but that only sort of became clearer when she passed it off to her colleague. 

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP) 

DR. SHIMI SHARIEF, SENIOR ADVISER, OREGON HEALTH AUTHORITY:  The COVID-19 pandemic is reshaping how Oregonians celebrate holidays, and that includes Halloween, but it doesn't mean Halloween can still be spooky and fun this year. 

(END VIDEO CLIP) 

GUTFELD:  That's an adorable onesie. I was wondering where I left it.

Anyway, they went on for a bit before the doctor finally acknowledged the clown get up. 

Now, as Oregon proceeds to become the most pathetically run state in American history, I'm thinking this doesn't do much to restore its reputation. It seems like the adults have left the building. Does that make sense, Mr. Antelope? 

[VIDEO CLIP PLAYS] 

GUTFELD:  Yes, it did make sense. Kat, I think -- okay, before we completely criticize this strange thing. In their defense, they did a better job of conveying the strange that David Lynch or John Waters ever could. I mean, that's 10 times worse than Pink Flamingos or scarier than Pink Flamingos. 

TIMPF:  Right. I don't know that that was the intention. It wasn't necessarily supposed to be an art piece. 

GUTFELD:  That's true. 

TIMPF:  But what I thought though, I thought about how a few weeks ago when I found out we're going to be doing a live show on Halloween. I asked our executive producer, Holly, like where am I from? Louise from Bob's Burgers like bunny ears, right? 

GUTFELD:  Yes. 

TIMPF:  I love Louise. I love to channel her energy. I like to wear them at home sometimes. Maybe that's a private matter I shouldn't discuss on TV. 

GUTFELD:  Yes. 

TIMPF:  But she was like, Kat, maybe this won't -- you know, this won't fit the mood of the show. Maybe something somber will happen. I was like, she is right. Also, I don't want anyone to see it and think that I'm anything less than the serious professional woman who deserves respect that I am. 

GUTFELD:  Right. 

TIMPF:  But again, Holly had those concerns, even though we all knew for certain that even if the show was a bit somber, it would not involve me at any point announcing the deaths of several people. 

GUTFELD:  Yes. 

TIMPF:  How did nobody catch that? 

GUTFELD:  It's amazing to me, Walter. This is like -- imagine the reverse, right? You showing up to a children's birthday party dressed as the angel of death. 

TIMPF:  I would do that. 

KIRN:  Greg, I think you've hit -- Greg, you've hit on it. And I'm going to be -- I'm going to be absolutely sincere here for a change. 

GUTFELD:  Okay. 

KIRN:  I think they were trying to frighten us. I think they were trying to traumatize us. I think that those costumes were not entertaining. There was no smile on the clown's face. That hood look like an executioner to me. And I really think they're trying to upset us at a subliminal subconscious level. 

And you can call me paranoid, which I am. 

GUTFELD:  You are. 

KIRN:  It's true. 

GUTFELD:  Tyrus, every subsequent year that we have Walter on the show, he gets more and more paranoid. Do you think there's a correlation? 

MURDOCH:  That's why I requested him this week in the e-mails that we need Walter Kirn. He is my hero of depress. He should have a big D on his chest.

And speaking of that, you know, just when you thought being a clown couldn't get worse. 

GUTFELD:  Yes. 

MURDOCH:  You know what I'm saying, you already have got a thing where you scare children and nobody respects you anymore on the singing gram. Now, you are the face of a really, really bad production of, hey, this is going to be great. This is going to wow them. 

Here's the thing. If you're going to do things like this, run it by someone first. I'm willing to bet that this just came up like, hey, I've got a great idea. You know what else is a great idea? Sending a candy gram when you want to get a divorce. That's always fun. 

GUTFELD:  Yes. 

MURDOCH:  You know, or sending a loved one like a dozen black roses with guess what? I'm burning. You know what I am saying, like you don't do these things and think I'll just put a little humor on it. 

Sometimes, bad news is just bad news. 

GUTFELD:  Yes. 

MURDOCH:  And you know, she didn't do a rhyme. You know she is wearing, you know, a smile -- a clown's smile is only skin deep. Perhaps you'd like to join me for a week. Speaking of weep, here's with this week's death toll.

You know, at least segue in it. This is why producers are so important. 

GUTFELD:  A transition. That's true. Charlie, last word to you. This doesn't help the persona of Oregon at all. 

HURT:  No, it does not. And you've got to remember, you know, angry leftists play the long game and so the idea of putting on a costume to terrify children is perfectly within their sort of means of operation. 

But all 2020, this entire year I've been convinced that it's entirely possible that we're actually in a horror film, and we don't know it and we're just it's just -- every chapter of it, it gets worse and worse and worse. 

And when I look at that clip, I'm like, okay, I'm not wondering anymore if we're in a horror movie. It's definitely a horror movie. 

GUTFELD:  I'll tell you one thing, that'll probably when the grand award at con. We will be the last ones laughing. Does that even make sense? 

Up next, the Girl Scouts lose more clout. 

(COMMERCIAL BREAK) 

GUTFELD:  They'll keep their distance if you aren't part of the resistance.

This week, the Girl Scouts tweeted congrats to Amy Coney Barrett for becoming just the fifth woman ever to be appointed to the Supreme Court. 

Angry lefties had a meltdown over it, including some so outraged they vowed to never eat Thin Mints again. That's probably good. So the Girl Scout told them to piss off losers. Not really. They caved, deleted the post explaining, "Girl Scouts of the U.S.A. is a nonpolitical, nonpartisan organization." Not true. "We are neither red nor blue, but Girl Scout green. We are here to lift up girls and women." 

So they removed a tweet because they say they are nonpartisan. But isn't deleting it kind of partisan and really weak? Which is why I'm no longer going as a Girl Scout for Halloween. Although I looked great in that outfit. I put it together myself. 

All right, Kat, is this another example of how the woke won't take yes for an answer. The national organization, you know, echoes left-wing platitudes all the time and yet what's so -- so what happens is they get devoured by the woke-a-dile. 

TIMPF:  Right, especially because there couldn't have been anything less political than that original tweet. I don't know if everybody else noticed.

It wasn't just Amy Coney Barrett on that graphic. It was everyone who is or ever has been a Supreme Court justice who was a woman. 

And then they're saying, they are deleting it because they're not political? I didn't know you could do that. I didn't know you could do something and then say the reason you're doing it because you don't want to do that. I'm going to go home, right? I'm going to take like 10 shots of tequila to the face. 

And Cam is going to be like, what are you doing? I'm going to be like, well, I really recognize the importance of a sober mind and I think alcohol is poison. 

GUTFELD:  Very good. Tyrus, it sucks to be a kid these days, right? Like -- would stripping them of their genders, their heroes, their organizations, their costumes, their schools -- I mean, this has got to be the worst time to be a young human being. 

MURDOCH:  Not my house, bro. My kids love life. I entertain them constantly. I mean, it's cool when your dad is a six eight monster who is extremely intelligent. So I don't know what you talking about. It's a regular plethora or a cornucopia of fun in my house. 

You know what makes me sad though, because I kind of wish the Girl Scouts were all my daughters, which is not impossible. But what I would have liked to do is for me to stand up to them and say, go to hell away. 

GUTFELD:  Yes. 

MURDOCH:  But here is the problem. I understand why I hate the fact that the Girl Scouts deleted it. But I understand why they did. They don't want the Girl Scouts cancelled. They don't want protests outside. They don't want little girls going to the doorsteps and trying to sell their cookies, which are phenomenal and have a have a bunch of grown adults screaming at them, calling them names. 

So I think it was unfortunately -- it was the better side of do we really want this? 

GUTFELD:  Right. 

MURDOCH:  Because they don't play by the same rules everyone else does and they have convinced the world that their little 10 percent of 10 percent on Twitter matters. 

So that's the sad part, because it wouldn't have just stopped. There could have been little girls crying, and someone telling them, I'm not buying your box of mints because you support the Supreme Court and she's like, I'm six, bruh. You know what I'm saying, like -- so, bring those minutes over here. They're good over here. The mints the best.  

GUTFELD:  Well, Charlie, I'll tell you this, Tyrus doesn't mince words, because he is making a very important point, and that is if companies actually stopped taking this subgroup of a subgroup of a subgroup of a subgroup seriously, and we've decided to share the risk, you wouldn't to run away from this stuff. 

HURT:  Well, I think isn't that the lesson that we've learned? You can't give into these people because they never stop. They keep coming at you. If it's not this, it's the next thing. 

And the only thing you can do is just -- you can't give in and then -- you know, that's why I think that I really do honestly believe that if President Trump manages to pull this thing out and win re-election, it will break more of them and it will be America not giving in to exactly this kind of madness, this kind of temper tantrum. 

GUTFELD:  You know, Walter, could this girl scouts story be a lesson for all corporations. Don't bother trying to falsify your preferences. Just tell them to screw it. 

KIRN:  Well, like Tyrus said, Girl Scouts are especially vulnerable sales people. A lot of them are under four feet tall, many under 50 pounds. 

GUTFELD:  Yes. 

KIRN:  And putting them out there on the front lines of the Woke Wars was probably not a good idea in the first place. I think the Girl Scouts should just probably shut out everything except cookies from now on. 

These poor kids don't deserve to be in the middle of this world. 

GUTFELD:  Yes, basically what you're saying is shut up and bake. And that is so sexist, Walter, and I'm not even going to let you respond, because that's what we do in cable news. 

Final Thoughts next. 

(COMMERCIAL BREAK) 

GUTFELD:  So, I will see you back here tomorrow, that's Sunday at 5:00 p.m.

Eastern for a special edition of "The Five" and it'll be live and it is Daylight Savings time. So figure that out. 

Thanks to Charlie Hurt, Walter Kirn, Katherine, Tyrus. 

I'm Greg Gutfeld and I love you America. 

Stay tuned for "THE NEXT REVOLUTION" with Steve Hilton, which starts in probably four seconds. 

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