This is a rush transcript from “The Five” November 26, 2020. This copy may not be in its final form and may be updated.

JESSE WATTERS, FOX NEWS HOST: Hello, everybody. I'm Jesse Watters, along
with Emily Compagno, Juan Williams, Dana Perino, and Greg Gutfeld. It's
5:00 in New York City, and this is The Five. Happy Thanksgiving, everybody.
We hope you are stuffed and have not gotten into any fights with your
relatives, maybe a few. Get ready for a lot of fun.

We're going to be answering your fan mail questions for the hour. Plus,
it's never too early for Christmas. We have a Secret Santa surprise coming
up later that you don't want to miss. All right, let's get started with
your questions. Facebook question from Diane K., Emily, let's begin with
you. What do you find most irritating about Thanksgiving?

EMILY COMPAGNO, FOX NEWS HOST: Nothing. The notion that people already
grumbling going into it, that's what I find most irritating.

WATTERS: Why are they grumbling, the traffic, the travel?

COMPAGNO: Sure. But also this year, though, I will say that what I find
most irritating is the government overreach, and the notion that the
government can enter your home and arrest you or fine you for having your
family over.

WATTERS: Yes, big government is terrible, right, Juan?

JUAN WILLIAMS, FOX NEWS HOST: Not if they are trying to protect me. But
this is an interesting question, because it's one of these Thanksgivings
where you think I like I like to those things that were irritating me. Like
you were talking about the traffic, right?

WATTERS: Yes.

WILLIAMS: Or like, you know, my brother going crazy with overcooking the
turkey, I hope he is not watching. You know, I don't like dry turkey. OK,
you know, I mean, but now I want to have that to talk about.

WATTERS: That's true. Dana --

(CROSSTALK)

WATTERS: -- do you find irritating.

DANA PERINO, FOX NEWS HOST: The three day work week. I find that very
annoying that you work Monday --

(CROSSTALK)

PERINO: No. It would be better if it was the week off.

WATTERS: Oh, the whole week off.

PERINO: Like, working Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, and then being off
Thursday, Friday. It throws me off completely.

WATTERS: I have a feeling I know what irritates Greg. It's The Five
Thanksgiving special shows that irritate you most about Thanksgiving.

GREG GUTFELD, FOX NEWS HOST: And what are really celebrating, right? What
did America really do, right? Are you with me? For me, Thanksgiving is
nothing more than a protest, and I take it out on the turkey.

WATTERS: It looks like it.

GUTFELD: Look, I don't like -- here's what I don't like about Thanksgiving.
It rolls back all the progress I make on my diet and my savings. Because I
end up having to -- because generally when I was younger, I would save may
be over a year, like, $1500, right, when you were like young. Well, yeah,
but in the '90s, you have to fly back -- I lived in Pennsylvania -- to fly
home.

And now, we just go to like gifts and flight. So all the money I saved
would go to that and then I'd fly back. And then I would be working out,
and maybe I would lose over the year like seven pounds. It all comes back.
So basically, you spend 10 months trying to do the right thing, and then in
four days you just blow it all. Other than that, I love Thanksgiving.

WATTERS: I find it irritating on Thanksgiving when my mother starts yelling
at me about politics. She didn't stop today at the table, yelling and
yelling about the recounts and challenges. Mom, give it a break. All right,
Instagram question from Steven5511, what is the first thing you do when you
get home from work? Let's go to Greg on this, because I think we all know.

GUTFELD: Yes. Well, first, I pull down the shades because I live in New
York, and I don't want them to see that I'm doing, because then they will
call the police. I actually exercise.

WATTERS: That's not true.

GUTFELD: No, I do. I do. In fact, after this show, I will go home. I put on
my little Peloton on my laptop and then I on the floor mat exercise. I do a
Jess Sims upper body strength work out for maybe 20 minutes to balance the
lower body. Yeah, exactly, she picks good music. So I break up the exercise
so that I have -- more energized, and you sleep better. You sleep better.

WATTERS: Because it sounds like you go home and eat right away.

(CROSSTALK)

GUTFELD: I think about food. But remember, it takes about half an hour for
the food to be delivered, so in between that time, I can work out.

WATTERS: You have it down to a science.

GUTFELD: Yes.

WATTERS: What about you?

PERINO: Well, it's -- I have to go through this -- basically, it's a
routine with Jasper when I get home. Like, he runs, he is excited, he gets
the toy, and then you have to sit on the couch for just a few minutes so
that he gets all of his wiggles out. And I do my posture exercises, some
sort of posture work for my new year's resolution. I really did. I needed
to do it. I am glad that I have committed to that, and then --

GUTFELD: Stop posturing.

PERINO: And then I sit on the couch.

WATTERS: Very good. I get home from work and then I watch myself on
Twitter. See all the highlights from the show. What are you looking at me
for?

WILLIAMS: That would aggravate you.

(CROSSTALK)

WATTERS: I did well that show.

WILLIAMS: OK.

WATTERS: What about you? What do you do when you get home after work?

WILLIAMS: First thing is I take off the makeup.

(CROSSTALK)

GUTFELD: I put more on.

(CROSSTALK)

WATTERS: That's why you close the shades.

WILLIAMS: And then I -- it's like you change mentality by changing clothes,
so you put on relaxing, cool close.

(CROSSTALK)

GUTFELD: That was the whole thing behind Mr. Rogers. Remember, he put on
the sweater, remove the pants. That was not Mr. Rogers.

WATTERS: You have a Mr. Rogers look going on.

GUTFELD: I do.

WATTERS: Emily, what about you when you get home?

COMPAGNO: Well, I work from home sort of now, so it's more like walking
downstairs and like half-changing. But I feel like what I do is sort of a
mix of actually what everybody here does. So I change, I watch my game day
footage always, make notes. I walk my dog and I work out. So I do all that
stuff. But when I am here in the city, I usually go out and get something
to eat.

WATTERS: Yeah, you go out. I have seen you. I have seen you out, Emily. All
right, Instagram questions from fixcheckjohn (ph), which reality TV show
would you be best on? Let's go to you, Emily.

COMPAGNO: OK. Well, I feel like maybe what I would be that worst on but I
would love to be on is that adventure game where you are a partner with
someone and you go around the world. Yes, because I am horrible with maps,
but I love to travel.

(CROSSTALK)

WATTERS: You would be dead wait.

COMPAGNO: No, I think it would be amazing. Any kind of reality show that
had me traveling or exploring and outside of the house. Like, not one of
those things where you are trapped inside and not one of those things where
it's like relationship-based, and not one of those things where --

(CROSSTALK)

WATTERS: OK, we asked you what you would be on, not what you would not be
on. All right, so a junket. Juan, what about you?

WILLIAMS: No, I think that would've been my answer. I think I would've done
that, because I think that sounds like a whole lot of fun, because I would
be discovering the world and I get off on that.

WATTERS: I think I would do some sort of real-world road rules challenge.
You remember those shows from the '90s where it was kind of like
dating/competition? I think I would excel.

PERINO: Like the Bachelor?

WATTERS: No. Not the Bachelor. I would not last long on that show.

PERINO: I was going to say the Amazing Race, because I actually would love
to do that with Peter because he is good with maps. And I think that we
would be pretty good at that. I also think there was a show -- it started
in England and then it came over here, What Not to Wear, where you do like
a little makeover, is that a reality show?

WATTERS: Probably.

PERINO: Yeah. I think so. I think I would like to do that.

WATTERS: OK. Well, you're doing well so far. Greg, what reality show would
you (Inaudible)?

GUTFELD: I was going to say to the Amazing Race, but I thought that it was
actually about race, like each week you would do a different race. Like,
let's do the Japanese. Hey, let's do the Australians, are they a race race?

PERINO: I don't think so.

GUTFELD: I don't think so.

(CROSSTALK)

GUTFELD: So 'm going to go with the obvious choice, which is Naked and
Afraid.

(CROSSTALK)

GUTFELD: Emily, you're outside, you don't have a map unless it's to cover
things, and then you have to survive Naked and Afraid. Have you ever
watched that show?

COMPAGNO: No.

(CROSSTALK)

GUTFELD: The choice of participants is quite unusual. Let's put it that
way.

PERINO: Is it still going?

GUTFELD: Yes, I think it's still going. You know the one where you go to
jail --

(CROSSTALK)

GUTFELD: I don't know. I like structure.

WILLIAMS: Do they have real house husbands?

WATTERS: Yeah, we know someone that's on that show. All right, what do we
have here? All right, Instagram question from a man's bone, a man's bone.
What will you be binge watching over Thanksgiving break? Let's start with
you, Dana. What will you be binge watching?

PERINO: Peter and I like to watch The Crown. You know, we pause it every
two minutes so that I can ask a question and he can explain things.

WATTERS: Are the accents thick, or is it?

PERINO: It depends. You know, sometimes, if you go up to Scotland, it can
get a little --

(CROSSTALK)

WATTERS: Greg, what will you be binge watching?

GUTFELD: I don't know, because I kind of watched the first couple of
episodes of The Crown, but I found it very British. You know -- and I like
Schitt's Creek --

(CROSSTALK)

GUTFELD: And you can't believe it, because it's the name of the title. It's
the name of the city, and it's got Chris Elliott -- everybody in it is
hilarious.

WATTERS: It's my new favorite show. Juan, what about you?

WILLIAMS: I have heard good things about The Mandalorian, so I'm thinking I
dive in because it takes me a little bit to get accustomed to sci-fi, so
you have to really focus. You can't just be in and out, in and out, so I
thought let me binge watch this.

WATTERS: All right, it's very highbrow here. What about you, Emily?

COMPAGNO: The Hallmark Channel Countdown to Christmas.

(CROSSTALK)

COMPAGNO: As I have been doing since July.

(CROSSTALK)

WATTERS: What?

PERINO: Shannon Bream, too, I think. I think Shannon Bream --

COMPAGNO: Oh.

WATTERS: You guys are watching that together?

COMPAGNO: No, separate but together.

WATTERS: OK.

GUTFELD: What's so good about it?

COMPAGNO: Everything. We should talk offline. The Hallmark Channel is
totally amazing, but Countdown to Christmas it's movie after movie after
movie about Christmas. It's totally amazing.

GUTFELD: Really.

COMPAGNO: Yeah.

WILLIAMS: I go home and I walk in and there are all these people watching
Countdown to Christmas.

GUTFELD: Who would've thought that a greeting card company would have,
like, the most influential network outside of Fox News in the world. Like,
everybody loves Hallmark. And what they did was they were one aisle in the
drugstore 30 years ago.

COMPAGNO: Now it's an empire.

GUTFELD: Now it's an empire.

WATTERS: They have come a long way.

GUTFELD: They have.

WATTERS: All right, so have we. This is the final question. Let's make
these answers quick. Facebook question from Andy, how did your place in
your family affect you, oldest, middle, youngest? Juan, how did it affect
the you, and where were you?

WILLIAMS: I'm the baby. And by far, so like, my sister is 11 years older,
my brother is eight, nine years older.

PERINO: You are almost, like, an only.

WILLIAMS: It's a different family experience. And for an immigrant kid, it
was like a totally different because everybody else in the family, like,
speaking Spanish, but I don't speak Spanish. So it's like a --

WATTERS: I know more Spanish than Juan.

WILLIAMS: There you go.

WATTERS: What about you, Emily?

COMPAGNO: I'm the youngest also. I have two older sisters. To answer the
question specifically, it has informed everything. Like, I think eternally
that littlest sister, including sort of in this dynamic, right? So that's
why I'm so used to like teasing and everything. And I'm super comfortable
in that role to having the older ones always telling you what to do and
guiding and all that stuff.

WATTERS: Yeah, you do like to be teased. All right, yeah, I am the big
brother and I like to lord everything over my little sister. So I think
that's about right.

(CROSSTALK)

PERINO: I mean, isn't it obvious that I am the oldest, the worrywart, the
very responsible.

WATTERS: Very responsible, that's me, responsibility. What about you? You
have a lot of sisters.

GUTFELD: I was the second youngest until I killed Billy.

WATTERS: Poor Billy. We miss you. And we miss us. So much more to come on
this special edition of The Five, including our big Secret Santa surprise.
But up next, more of these crazy questions, including who are childhood
heroes are.

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

PERINO: Thank you for enjoying my music, Emily. I appreciate it. Welcome
back to our special edition of The Five. We're answering your questions
this Thanksgiving, and I have a doozy of a question for you, I think. This
is a Facebook question from Cary H. Emily, did you have to fight for the
wishbone as a child, and did your wish ever come true?

COMPAGNO: I can't remember fighting over it, but I remember being. like,
stoked whenever I would get to pull it. It was, like, the most exciting
thing ever, and maybe that was the perk of being the youngest.

PERINO: Did you only have one turkey or you had a big family?

GUTFELD: Just one turkey?

PERINO: One turkey, wow.

GUTFELD: You had more than one turkey?

PERINO: No, I didn't.

(CROSSTALK)

PERINO: We ate a turkey and had the leftovers. Juan, what about the
wishbone?

WILLIAMS: You know, I don't remember there was a big deal. I mean, when you
think about something like that, I think of, like, birthday wishes or new
year's resolutions. But I don't really think of -- I know it's a tradition
in some families, but I don't think it was a big one for me.

PERINO: Jesse?

WATTERS: Yeah, we didn't do the wishbone when I was a child. We ran the
power (Inaudible). Juan gets that joke. No one else here --

(CROSSTALK)

WATTERS: Thanks, Greg.

PERINO: Emily, did you get it?

COMPAGNO: No.

PERINO: OK.

COMPAGNO: You just ran the different route than a wishbone?

WATTERS: It's an offense.

PERINO: How offensive was that? I believe that my sister would not have
touched the wishbone.

GUTFELD: I'm going to contest this whole question. You said said that this
would be a doozy. This might be the worst question we've ever had on the
show, as you can tell by all of us wondering why, OK.

PERINO: Can you give me another chance?

GUTFELD: Sure.

PERINO: OK. This is an Instagram question from Ronster. Who would you say
you are most like in world history, Greg?

GUTFELD: Oh, wow, Caligula. He knew how to party, I'll tell you that.

PERINO: All right, Emily?

COMPAGNO: Oh, I have how to answer that --

GUTFELD: Lizzie Borden?

COMPAGNO: Who's awesome? I don't know that is.

(CROSSTALK)

GUTFELD: You should look her up after the show.

COMPAGNO: Remind me.

WILLIAMS: It's not far from Caligula.

GUTFELD: She had a rough relationship with her parents.

WILLIAMS: Yes, very bad.

(CROSSTALK)

PERINO: Who do you think Juan was most like in history, but we'll give you
t chance to answer --

WILLIAMS: What did you just say?

PERINO: I said the question from should've framed of who do we think you
are most like in history, but you get to answer for yourself first.

WILLIAMS: Well, so Galileo, because I am misunderstood in my time. But
ultimately, I proved to be right. Yes, there we are. There we are.

PERINO: You're saying no?

WATTERS: I mean, if he is Galileo, then I am Einstein.

WILLIAMS: I think this is Thanksgiving dinner. We just might do it.

PERINO: I have no idea.

WATTERS: I would put you as Mary Pickford.

(CROSSTALK)
GUTFELD: Was she an actress from the 1920s, Mary Pickford? Somebody at home
is going yes. That's quite telling.

PERINO: Yes. I think I was a little bit more like, I don't know, some
really small person.

COMPAGNO: Thumbelina.

PERINO: Thumbelina, yes. That would be a --

(CROSSTALK)

PERINO: It feels like we have Thanksgiving together already. OK, we have
another Facebook question from Kimberly C. Now, this is a good one. Who was
your childhood hero, Jesse?

WATTERS: Well, it was Michael Jackson.

PERINO: Hero.

WATTERS: Yes. It was Michael Jackson, Ronald Reagan, and Mike Tyson.

PERINO: That is a very eclectic group. You're so well-rounded.

WATTERS: And Randall Cunningham. Juan knows Randall.

WILLIAMS: Yeah.

WATTERS: There you go.

PERINO: Do you have one, Greg?

WATTERS: What is so funny?

GUTFELD: I just -- nothing. There are 16 things I could say, but none of
them are Michael Jackson. OK, so all of my heroes were on television. So I
can go decade almost by decade, which would be Robert Conrad, who was
Colonel West from Wild, Wild West. And then of course, there was Steve
Austin, Lee Majors, $6 Million Man. And what else?

There was another one that I grew up with that -- well, I will do that. But
they were always TV type people that I looked up to.

PERINO: Mine came from books mostly, like, Pippi Longstocking. And I also
loved Laura Ingalls Wilder, of course, and also --

(CROSSTALK)

WATTERS: Sherah?

PERINO: Sheila.

(CROSSTALK)

PERINO: Emily, did you have a childhood hero?

COMPAGNO: Well, you know, it's dependent on how old I was. But in terms of
posters on the walls, I had Neil Armstrong, as I've told you guys. I had
Baryshnikov. I had Bon Jovi. You know, there was a lot depending on my
phase, but really --

(CROSSTALK)

COMPAGNO: I also love some, you know, I looked up to my parents a lot. You
know --

PERINO: Really, really solid answer, your parents. OK, another question,
Instagram --

WILLIAMS: Wait, I didn't get to play.

PERINO: I'm sorry. Excuse me.

WILLIAMS: That's all right. So I think I am lot like Jesse that I like
athletes, so Muhammad Ali was a big hero for me.

PERINO: Mary Lou Retton.

GUTFELD: Oh, that's who you are.

(CROSSTALK)

WILLIAMS: You know what is odd about this question from this Thanksgiving
is that two of my childhood heroes died this week. Tom Seaver died and Bob
Gibson, both great pitchers, but it's a year where a lot of great athletes
had died.

PERINO: Especially in baseball. OK, we have time for another one. Instagram
question ENHughes77, and favorite Thanksgiving dessert, Juan.

WILLIAMS: Pumpkin pie. I mean, it sounds like, you know -- but really, if
you get a pumpkin pie that is made properly, it is just out of this world.

PERINO: Yeah. Peter would not agree with you. He loves everything American
except for pumpkin pie. He does not understand it.

WATTERS: Pumpkin cheesecake.

(CROSSTALK)

PERINO: That's a good combo.

WILLIAMS: That's a little heavy.

WATTERS: Well, I can afford it.

WILLIAMS: OK.

PERINO: Greg?

GUTFELD: You know what, I will just go with the brownies. I like brownies.
I could eat a whole pan of brownies in bed, sometimes in the bathtub --

(CROSSTALK)

WATTERS: Did you eat brownies before the show? And can I have some?

(CROSSTALK)

PERINO: Emily?

COMPAGNO: Pumpkin pie for sure, especially for breakfast the day after.

PERINO: No, I'm going to say cherry pie. I do love a cherry pie.

(CROSSTALK)

PERINO: We're going to save that question for next Thanksgiving.

GUTFELD: If there is one.

PERINO: All right, coming up, the strangest thing that has ever happened to
us in an elevator? We will answer that and more on our Thanksgiving fan
mail special, next.

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

GUTFELD: We are back. We have a lot more questions to get to you in our
Five Thanksgiving fan mail special. Why am I even reading a prompter when
we know what I am going to say? First question from Tamorah, oh, Sodom and
Tamorah, what is the strangest thing that's ever happened to you in an
elevator, Dana?

PERINO: So we had time in the commercial break to think about this, and at
first I thought nothing strange has ever happens to me. But there was one
thing, and I wish that I could remember who it was. But you know how --
across the street is that XM Radio? So one time, I went over there to do an
interview, might've been book-related.

And I am in the elevator coming down, and I didn't even notice that there
was apparently this very famous person in the elevator and he was there to
like sing some sort of a song. But he was berating his staffer and being so
mean. And I thought it was so rude and I didn't know. And then it turns out
he was like somebody very famous.

GUTFELD: Yes, it was Adam Levine from Maroon 5. Everybody knows this story.

PERINO: So, I can't really gossip about it.

GUTFELD: Yes. Adam Levine is terrible to his staff. It's disgusting what he
says. Anyway, Jesse, let's not talk about Adam Levine. This is supposed to
be Thanksgiving. I don't know why you brought that up in front of me.

PERINO: Yes, sorry.

GUTFELD: Jesse, anything strange in an elevator?

WATTERS: Not strange, but embarrassing. It was like 10 years ago in Philly.
I'd done one of those men on the streets. And I was in the elevator at a
very nice hotel, and I go like this. I go, I need to go book a massage. And
the guy behind me goes, tough day, Watters? And I turn around and it's like
the Governor of Arkansas. I was really ashamed of myself.

COMPAGNO: It's funny.

PERINO: It's tough work though. I mean.

WATTERS: Yes. I mean, yes.

PERINO: It's a lot of work.

WATTERS: Very hard work.

GUTFELD: Then, he actually gave you the massage which was amazing.

WATTERS: Yes. And now, he's no longer in office.

GUTFELD: For that very reason. Juan, strange thing in an elevator?

WILLIAMS: Well, you know, I'm a little bit claustrophobic. You know, I grew
up around bad elevators and public housing. It's not good. So, elevators
freak me out in general. So, I just want to get off. Just let me off. I
make the sign of the cross --

GUTFELD: You don't want to do that in an elevator. Trust me. I learned the
hard way. I know it's a holiday, producer in my ear. That means a lot of
the kids won't even know what I'm saying. All right, Emily, what's the
strangest thing that ever happened to you?

COMPAGNO: OK, so it's not really that strange, but I think something kind
of specific to hear is that we have TVs in the elevators here.

GUTFELD: Right.

COMPAGNO: So, if there is a replay, and you're in the elevator watching
yourself on TV, that's sort of cool and interesting and strange. And for
me, that was a totally new experience.

WATTERS: Sometimes I just don't even get off the elevator. I'll just ride
and ride --

PERINO: Oh, I just something happened to me.

GUTFELD: What?

PERINO: Do you remember a few years ago, there was an earthquake in New
York? I got on the elevator, like floor 18. And I was coming down here to
do the show. And while I was on the elevator, there was the earthquake.

GUTFELD: Wow.

COMPAGNO: That's frightening.

PERINO: I didn't even know -- I didn't even feel it. Everybody else felt it
but me.

GUTFELD: I guess it can happen. Like, somebody's got to be in an elevator
during an earthquake. Why can't it be you?

PERINO: You're probably glad it was me.

GUTFELD: Yes, that's -- I was.

COMPAGNO: You're fine.
'
GUTFELD: I hope she's in an elevator.

WATTERS: Didn't you get stuck in an elevator?

GUTFELD: Yes. I had to call the fire department in an elevator in my
building. And they knew my -- they knew me from my voice and we're making
fun of outside the elevator and it's a tiny -- it's a tiny -- a really tiny
elevator.

PERINO: Good thing for you.

GUTFELD: Yes, it's very big for me. But the only thing -- I was in the
elevator for 10 minutes before I called the fire department. That's how
like freaked out it was because I am also agora -- not agoraphobic,
acrophobic. Acrophobic?

WILLIAMS: Claustrophobic.

GUTFELD: Claustrophobic. So, I immediately -- I like, I couldn't wait any
longer, and they came in and they made fun of me for a good 20 minutes.

COMPAGNO: Wait, wait.

GUTFELD: What.

COMPAGNO: Did you ever see that M Night Shyamalan movie about the elevator?
It's totally one of his scariest.

GUTFELD: Which one?

COMPAGNO: It's called Devil.

GUTFELD: Oh, yes.

COMPAGNO: And the whole thing takes place in an elevator. It's frightening.

PERINO: That sounds horrible.

WATTERS: The whole movie in one elevator?

COMPAGNO: Yes.

PERINO: That sounds horrible.

COMPAGNO: And also, though, the -- like the, you know, the outer events of
them. You have to see it.

GUTFELD: It's OK. It's OK. All right, next question. Oh, this is cute from
Caudill. Have you ever been a member of a fan club? I'm more of a fan of a
member club. But anyway, Emily, what is your -- were you ever a member fan
club? I bet you were.

COMPAGNO: No. I honestly can't think of one except for maybe free tickets
to Def Leppard. But other than that, just Wine Club.

GUTFELD: Wine Club, there you go. Wine Club, I wish I had a wine club.

COMPAGNO: W-I-N-E.

GUTFELD: Drink and then beat somebody with it. Yes, Jesse?

WATTERS: I'm not going to say it.

GUTFELD: Oh, come on.

PERINO: Come on. No one's watching.

WATTERS: No, no. I'm good. I'm good.

GUTFELD: It's Michael Jackson. It is Michael Jackson.

(CROSSTALK)

WATTERS: No, no, no. I'm not going to say it.

COMPAGNO: NSYNC, New Kids On The Block.

WATTERS: No.

COMPAGNO: If we guess right, will you admit it?

WATTERS: Baryshnikov.

COMPAGNO: He's amazing. I'm proud of it.

GUTFELD: You got to answer the question. Come on.

GUTFELD: All right, Juan.

WILLIAMS: I was never a member of a fan club. But I'm thinking of myself as
I'm sitting here, so like, is being a season ticket holder, is that a fan
club? I don't know.

GUTFELD: Yes, I think that is, in a way.

WILLIAMS: I root for one of the most troubled basketball teams in America,
and I keep paying the money. You know, why do I pay the money? But I keep
doing it.

PERINO: Because you're a good fan.

WILLIAMS: There you go. Dana?

PERINO: I'm not a joiner, Greg.

GUTFELD: No, you weren't a joiner?

PERINO: I didn't join a club.

GUTFELD: No. That's too bad. I would say, do you -- I think I joined the
Cheap Trick Fan Club.

COMPAGNO: Nice.

GUTFELD: Yes. Because I got a little picture in the mail of them, and I
paid $2.00 for it. It's still a ripoff, by the way, but I still have the
picture. Do you remember the Mickey Mouse Club?

COMPAGNO: Yes.

GUTFELD: Wasn't that creepy?

COMPAGNO: Christina Aguilera at her finest.

GUTFELD: Stop it. I'm thinking of the wheeled one with the neck footed
cello, and that little -- wasn't there a little fat kid?

COMPAGNO: We don't body shame here.

GUTFELD: All right, Teddy. Was his name Teddy?

COMPAGNO: I don't remember.

GUTFELD: Coming up, find out what we kept in our high school lockers. And
don't miss our secret Santa's surprise ahead on THE FIVE.

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

WILLIAMS: Welcome back. Happy Thanksgiving, everyone. We're answering more
of your fan mail questions on this Turkey day. Here's a question for you.
What's your best early memory of Thanksgiving? Let's go out to the ranch,
Dana.

PERINO: Well, yes. So, we would leave probably on -- I would imagine -- we
had to go to school, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, hence the three-day thing.
But I remember we would drive up about six hours up to Wyoming to the -- to
the ranch. I remember that.

But I also remember one time in Colorado, we weren't able to drive up to
the ranch because there was like a 14 inches dump the night before. And so,
everybody on the street, that where we live on, Elm Street, they were all -
- everybody was going to somebody place for Thanksgiving.

And so, my mom invited everybody over to our place. But it would be like,
you had three cranberries and two green beans but no mashed potatoes
because somebody else -- somewhere else was making mashed potatoes. So,
that one sticks in my mind.

WILLIAMS: All right. So, Greg?

GUTFELD: Cubby was the name of the little chunky kid from the Mickey Mouse
Club. I don't really have any -- I just remember going to one of my mom's
sister's place Auntie Mary's, and they had a refrigerator in the garage.
You know, when you remember things when you're a kid?

PERINO: Yes.

GUTFELD: And it's just like, when I think of them, I just think of a
refrigerator. They had a refrigerator in the garage.

WATTERS: Isn't that great?

GUTFELD: And it was like, the most amazing thing in the world.

PERINO: And they have like soda pop and ---

GUTFELD: Soda pop. You've got -- they had so much soda pop and weird stuff
like tall bottles of RC, which was kind of strange, but I drank it anyway.
I maybe feel dirty inside.

WILLIAMS: Emily.

COMPAGNO: I love Thanksgiving because we would all cook together. And so,
like, my dad and my mom would involve us in all the different recipes. So,
I remember that growing up, you know, like making the little individual
ravioli and learning how to cook our famous turkey recipe that I told you
guys about where it cooks like super fast, but super hot, high heat. I
mean, why are you laughing? So, that's what I remember.

GUTFELD: That's a great recipe.

COMPAGNO: We're in the kitchen all day.

GUTFELD: It's called a microwave.

WILLIAMS: Is he right?

COMPAGNO: No. No, no. Oh, my God.

WILLIAMS: All right. So, Jessie, I saved you for last because I'm thinking
that you and I might have something in common here because we're talking
about wishbones and ice formations and the like, but Thanksgiving football.

WATTERS: We did have the turkey touch in Philly where we'd all play in the
neighborhood and then we'd pass out these little turkey trophies to whoever
scored the most touchdowns. I had a few. But I remember appealing chestnuts
with my grandfather. So, you boil the chestnuts and then it's really hot,
and you basically scalding your fingers as you're peeling them, so it's a
feat of strength.

And I realized my grandfather was so good at it looking back because he was
drunk, and he couldn't feel a thing. And I'm like -- and he was just doing
it like a man.

WILLIAMS: Wow. That's a great memory.

PERINO: It's a great memory.

WILLIAMS: That's terrific. Wow. OK. All right, so here's another question.
This one from Stephen D. When do you work better in the morning or the
night? Keep going, Jesse.

WATTERS: I work better in the morning. I feel like a joke is coming about
me in the morning. I already hear the producer saying, not true. No -- but
when after I get up, I work really hard and better.

WILLIAMS: You're better.

WATTERS: Yes.

WILLIAMS: Em?

COMPAGNO: My first inclination was morning, but I -- like academic wise, I
would do my best work and would be most focused at night. And I'm quoting
that because there -- because then there's not as many distractions during
the day.

WATTERS: What is -- what is at night mean?

GUTFELD: This isn't made for TV.

WATTERS: You know, that's academic work at night.

GUTFELD: Yes.

WILLIAMS: So, Greg.

GUTFELD: I work all the time. I'm a non-stop. I write in the morning and I
write at night. I guess a bad in the afternoon around 5:00.

WILLIAMS: Dana?

PERINO: You've seen me on election night. Mornings I'm much sharper. No, I
just like, I can get up easy in the morning. I wake up at 5:00 in the
morning and I can like, I'm ready to go.

WILLIAMS: Really?

PERINO: If you asked me to do a hit at 10:00 p.m. and I want to cry.

PERINO: You would have been great on "FOX & FRIENDS."

WILLIAMS: Well, you know, one of the things -- I'm not sure what the answer
is because what I know is that if you are a print reporter, deadlines come
5:00. 6:00, 7:00, you know, for different additions in the old days. So,
you had -- you trained yourself to be on at that point, and I still have
that, you know. Luckily, this show comes at 5:00.

PERINO: At 5:00.

GUTFELD: Yes.

WILLIAMS: Up next, we have -- have we ever had a Thanksgiving disaster
happened to us? The answer when we come back as our Thanksgiving fan mail
special continues.

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

COMPAGNO: Welcome back. We hope you're having a happy Thanksgiving. Let's
dig in with more of your fan mail questions. OK, first, Facebook question
from Pat D. Have you ever had a Thanksgiving disaster? Juan?

WILLIAMS: Yes. So, if you're working and sometimes if you're a writer or a
journalist, you got to work. Somebody's got to do it. So, I end up working
and then you come back, and people have been having a great time or people
are like, what's wrong with you? Why don't -- why did you have to work?
Well, you know, it's not good. You should have gotten the day off. And I'm
like --

WATTERS: I can't believe we're working today. It's too bad.

COMPAGNO: What -- do you have a disaster --

WATTERS: No, not really a disaster, but I showed up to the wrong house on
Thanksgiving. I didn't realize it was at an aunt's house, it was not at a
grandmother's house, so a lot of extra driving.

PERINO: Oh, wow.

WATTERS: Yes.

PERINO: But it was still a relative?

WATTERS: Yes.

COMPAGNO: So, you weren't shot?

WATTERS: Wrong relative.

PERINO: Did you get a mom text from that?

WATTERS: I got a few things.

WILLIAMS: Did you say you weren't shot?

COMPAGNO: Yes.

WILLIAMS: Oh, my God. You live in a rough neighborhood.

PERINO: I don't remember any disaster, but that's partly because I'm a
total mooch. I have never cooked a full Thanksgiving dinner myself. Oh no,
one time we did. We invited all the orphans from -- they're like in D.C.
orphans

WATTERS: Are you serious?

GUTFELD: What it is -- the DC orphans? If they're not real orphans, what
are they?

PERINO: People who couldn't go home for the holidays. We had them over to
our house.

WATTERS: Not like I actual orphans.

PERINO: I actually don't even remember cooking that. I don't know. Peter is
probably going to watch this.

GUTFELD: You cooked orphans?

PERINO: Oh gosh. You should try it.

WATTERS: Cranberry sauce in the sky.

GUTFELD: Oh, terrible.

COMPAGNO: Greg?

GUTFELD: What?

COMPAGNO: You definitely had a disaster.

COMPAGNO: Aside from this show. Joke. This is great. I -- because when I
lived on one side of the country, my family was the other, like once every
couple years I would do the -- I'm the extra guest at somebody on -- in my
town because I didn't fly back. So, those were -- like, you had a risk
because you didn't know the family too well, of being invited to what is
soon just to be a complete weirdo Texas Chainsaw Massacre around the table,
which I can't even talk about it because the people probably watch this
show. But I was at like a dinner that was quite possibly the worst
experience of my life because I -- you know, I like, you know, went and
they were freaky, freaky people, really.

PERINO: Wow.

WATTERS: I'm sure you made a great impression.

GUTFELD: Yes. I was like, get me the hell out of there. And they didn't
have any booze.

WATTERS: Oh, that's the disaster.

GUTFELD: Maybe that's what --

WATTERS: Burry the headline.

PERINO: That was the disaster.

COMPAGNO: See you guys, I had a total disaster at my house. So, the first
time that I was hosting for everyone, we went and got one of those folding
long tables and set it up, except it wasn't set up correctly. And I had all
of my Villeroy Boch dishes out which are heavy and like, you know, bowls
and different plates and everything.

I went Martha Stewart on steroids style. And I was in the other room, and I
started hearing this really crazy noise. And it was like a slide noise
mixed with crushing and crushing and crushing and it was just getting
louder and louder and louder. And I just heard voices being like, oh.

The entire table had collapsed on one side, and the entire thing slid off.
I then just improvise, adapt, and overcome. I was like so shocked and it
was a -- it was like so crazy that you just had to roll with it. So, I
ended up serving the entire dinner on my Raiders paper plate that I had in
the pantry, and everyone just sort of perched around like the whole house.
So, it actually ended up being --

PERINO: On the floor? Like was the food already on the table?

COMPAGNO: The food wasn't on the table.

PERINO: OK.

COMPAGNO: Thank goodness. It was just all of the dishes and the candles and
the -- yes, decoration.

WILLIAMS: Well, it's a memorable Thanksgiving.

COMPAGNO: Totally. All right guys, it's Thanksgiving but we are already
getting into the Christmas spirit. Our big secret Santa's surprise when we
come back.

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

WILLIAMS: Welcome back to our Thanksgiving Fan Mail Special. We're not
going to waste any time getting into the Christmas spirit, so it's the
moment you've been waiting for. We're going to pick. We're going to be
giving presents to -- for our annual Secret Santa gift exchange. I'm going
to pass it around. Juan, why don't you pick a name right there.

WILLIAMS: All right. Thank you, Jessie. I'll pick one out. Here we go.
Emily.

WATTERS: Can you reach? OK.

COMPAGNO: Thank you.

PERINO: This is -- this is how you do this with social distancing.

WATTERS: Now, can we zoom in to Juan's face?

GUTFELD: But there's a problem.

WATTERS: Juan, you know who you have now?

WILLIAMS: Yes. I got myself. That's a problem.

PERINO: You got to put it back then.

WILLIAMS: Of course, I would get a really --

COMPAGNO: Should I put mine back too?

PERINO: Did you get yourself?

WILLIAMS: Did you get yourself?

COMPAGNO: OK. OK.

WATTERS: You picked yourself, Juan?

WILLIAMS: I did. I did.

COMPAGNO: I'm looking at mine now.

WILLIAMS: Here you are.

WILLIAMS: All right, I'm going to pick mine. And then I'm going to look at
it. And you can capture my disappointment or enthusiasm.

COMPAGNO: Disappointment? Why would you be disappointed by anybody here?
It's so messed up.

GUTFELD: That was -- I know who he got.

PERINO: OK. OK, got it.

WATTERS: Come on. React, Dana.

PERINO: I usually don't. I have a very like passive face. Just kidding. I'm
very excited for my pic.

GUTFELD: All right, this is the best part.

WATTERS: Reach. Reach.

GUTFELD: See, this isn't very nice. You don't right, Emily or who's ever in
that chair. That is just like so wrong.

WATTERS: That is hilarious.

GUTFELD: I'm joking.

PERINO: I think you can keep it.

GUTFELD: Oh, I get to keep this. A lovely crown, a lovely -- no, I'm not
because it'll be on the internet for the rest of my life. Where is this
silly crown? Well, this has been a horn of abundance.

WATTERS: Speaking of crowns, how did we get the cornucopia?

PERINO: The cornucopia was first -- the first reference to it was back in
Greek and Roman mythology. Because Zeus was apparently being really rude to
this other goddess named Cornucopia, and he broke off one of her horns. And
that's how you have a cornucopia?

GUTFELD: Wow.

PERINO: That means abundance for pilgrims.

GUTFELD: A horn of abundance.

PERINO: Yes, a horn of abundance.

GUTFELD: A horn of abundance.

WATTERS: Did you know that Galileo?

WILLIAMS: No, I didn't. I always thought it was magical, though. That the
idea was that it was endless abundance, that things just kept pouring --

PERINO: Well, it was Greek Mythology so --

WATTERS: For the pilgrims, not so much for the other folks.

WILLIAMS: No.

WATTERS: But we cherish.

(CROSSTALK)

WATTERS: Do you have any idea who you're going to -- what you're going to
get for the gift for your secret Santa?

COMPAGNO: I know what that person needs. I don't know what I'm going to
get.

WATTERS: I feel like you got me and it's a butt-whooping. Juan, what about
you? Any ideas?

WILLIAMS: I'm thinking about fashion.

WATTERS: Well, that can go for a few of us here.

WILLIAMS: Yes.

WATTERS: Any ideas come to mind?

PERINO: I have -- you know, this is our -- is this our 10th year, ninth
year of doing this. I've had this person before, and so I got to really up
my game.

PERINO: Well, you've probably had everybody in --

GUTFELD: Secret Santa. We should establish -- I just think we should
establish a price limit. All right, like something around $25,000 just
because I don't want -- I don't want this to go overboard.

WATTERS: Thanks, Greg. All right, I need a new contract. That's it for us.
Happy Thanksgiving, everybody. We'll see you back here tomorrow -- some of
us. Have a good night.

END

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