This is a rush transcript from "The Greg Gutfeld Show," May 16, 2020. This copy may not be in its final form and may be updated.
GREG GUTFELD, FOX NEWS HOST: In this new phase of the pandemic, let's review what we know.
[VIDEO CLIP PLAYS]
GUTFELD: It's true. We don't know jack. And it's not our fault. After all, it's called a novel virus. It's novel and it's a virus, which means we can't even see what we're talking about.
It's as invisible to us as truth is to CNN, which makes it scary. How scary?
Well, "The New York Times" just did a piece on quarantining with a ghost. Yes, rather than focus on real stuff, they covered unexplained activities during house arrest, shaking window shades, rattling doorknobs, cold water in the shower, and Joe Biden in the basement.
Of course, sometimes houses creek and plumbing acts weird, but that's my post-burrito stomach, not a story. So, it's got to be a ghost.
Oh yes, the light flickered. It must be a ghost. I put my house keys away, but now they're on the floor, it must be a ghost. Not the fact that I've been drinking all day and everything is on the floor, including me.
Now, I'm not saying ghosts don't exist. Look what I found in my sock drawer.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
HILLARY CLINTON, FORMER PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATE: (Barking), you know.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
GUTFELD: Look, I get it. If the most likely explanation for something, i.e., the truth doesn't grab you. There's no story.
A ghost is so much more fun than not a ghost. Who cares if it's false? The only thing missing though is gender or race.
I anticipate a follow up piece with old white sexist ghosts. You know, I swear I saw a ghost and he kept checking out my breasts. Or worse, the ghost didn't actually call me a racist name, but I could tell he voted for Trump.
Why can't ghosts be racist or sexist? Aren't we already, according to the media? We don't need a pulse to be hateful.
See Donald Trump, who once again blamed China for the virus.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
QUESTION: You've said many times that the U.S. is doing far better than any other country when it comes to testing?
DONALD TRUMP (R), PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES: Yes.
QUESTION: Why does that matter? Why is this a global competition to you if every day Americans are still losing their lives, and we're still seeing more cases every day?
TRUMP: Well, they're losing their lives everywhere in the world, and maybe that's a question you should ask China.
QUESTION: Are you saying that to me, specifically?
TRUMP: I'm telling you.
QUESTION: That I should ask China.
TRUMP: I'm not saying it specifically to anybody, I'm saying anybody that would ask a nasty question like that.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
GUTFELD: I love it. You know, where this went.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
BRIAN STELTER, CNN CHIEF MEDIA CORRESPONDENT: What we saw in that exchange with Weijia Jiang is something that has racial overtones. It is really racist to look at an Asian-American White House correspondent and say, ask China.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
GUTFELD: So, for the Pillsbury Doughboy to believe his own droppings, he has to pretend the last four years of this didn't exist.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
TRUMP: China. China. China. China. China. China. China. China.
Look, it came out of China. Okay.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
GUTFELD: How did Brian miss that? Well, with the exception of meals, he misses a lot of things.
You want a pattern of behavior? Here he is claiming the right obsesses over Russia.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
STELTER: It is disappointing to look at what we're seeing the rightwing media these days where there's such an obsession with the Deep State and these revelations about the Russia probe.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
GUTFELD: So disappointed, again for him to say that without puking, he must ignore this.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
STELTER: What does Putin have on Trump? Has Trump been compromised?
CHRIS CUOMO, CNN ANCHOR: This is the Letter of Intent for the proposed Trump Tower Moscow.
ANDERSON COOPER, CNN ANCHOR: Some serious people in and out of government asking whether a U.S. President might be some kind of unwitting or witting Russian asset.
MAX BOOT, CNN GLOBAL AFFAIRS ANALYST: Whether the President of the United States is an agent of a foreign power.
DON LEMON, CNN ANCHOR: We all know the President's no collusion, no obstruction mantra. We know it's false.
COOPER: Do you still believe the President could be a Russian asset?
ANDREW MCCABE, CNN CONTRIBUTOR: I think it's possible.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
GUTFELD: Oh, man, when CNN says you're obsessed, it's like a drunk saying that your breath smells of rum.
Their success relies on no one else having a short term memory.
Here is Chris Cuomo blaming Fox for future deaths.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
CUOMO: Everyone around him has a mask on. Now, he doesn't because he wants to keep up the Fox farce, this BS that COVID-19 is overrated.
I guess the anti-elitists over there, they are okay with 10,000 more dead.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
GUTFELD: So, how does this bozo get away with that? I think he hopes you forgot about the thousands of real deaths in rest homes which happened under his brother's watch.
During that travesty, what did Chris ask his bro?
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
CUOMO: Do you think that you are an attractive person now? Because you're single and ready to mingle? Do you really think you are some desirable single person and that this is not just people's pain coming out of them?
(END VIDEO CLIP)
GUTFELD: You know, I hate rehashing this. But when that jerk tries to lay 10,000 dead future bodies on us, we've got to show you that the dead already exists and it hits a little closer to his home for Chris than he'd like to admit.
So, how do you respond when someone accuses you of wanting death? Just because you want to feed your family by getting back to work? Just say this.
If you want us to stay inside, you must really love spousal abuse, because domestic violence according to "The Times" is surging under the shutdown.
Is it true that you'd like to see more abused spouses, Chris? It sounds absurd because it is. But that's how the media smears you.
Plus they always have the answers, but only after the fact, which makes me wonder, where the hell were you guys back when this pandemic started? Why did you hold out on us?
It's criminal that you had the answer key, kept it hidden until after all of this death. Fact is anyone who says they know is full of it, not just the media, but experts, too.
They got so many things wrong -- masks, shutting down travel, ventilators, sending contagious people to rest homes.
But if no one knows anything, you might as well invite anyone to discuss a pandemic. CNN had Greta Thunberg on a virus special, maybe because they put more value on her cool words than the actual virus briefings they skipped.
Greta cited the importance of science, a straw man argument since who is not pro science? And then she linked it to her crusade -- climate.
Apparently, she pledged 100 grand to UNICEF which is awesome. Damn, when I was 17, all I had was a BB gun and a stack of Swank's that I stored in a tree.
If this is a trend for CNN, I can't wait to see who they choose for future specials.
The 2020 election with Greta Thunberg. Race in America with Greta Thunberg. Are ghosts real? With Greta Thunberg.
But you know, they could do worse. Have you seen their nightly lineup? It's a strange thing, how they keep trying to make this pandemic political.
You can't blame Trump for that. First, he shut down the economy then he doled out trillions. Now, he is desperate to reopen. What political side is that? He's all over the place, just like America.
Here's how you know this new red versus blue division is bogus. The media can't figure out how to cover the states. They want to find failure in red states and gloat and successes in blue states and cheer. But so far, that's not happening.
Also the right tends to be risk averse. The left, it's the opposite. Yet those who want to go back to work are portrayed as right ring, and those scolding us to stay indefinitely aren't.
So the script is flipped, meaning it's not right versus left. Instead, it's media versus Trump. Whatever he is for, they have to be against.
At least you're different, smarter, you get it. In a world in which we face something we've never faced, we're lucky. We have 50 experiments going on at once, and each experiment can run a dozen more. Each state can try out a plan.
Some might do great, some might not. But we can compare and contrast.
Its genius without trying. It's exactly what you would do if you don't have the right answer yet.
Idiots would prefer one date for the whole country to go back, which is like placing all your chips on one number on roulette. It feels great if you win, but you'll likely lose your shirt and here, shirts equal lives.
As opposed to the 50 State Route. It's like your 401(k), it's not all one stock, it's a portfolio to hedge against risk.
It's smart and unavoidable and we're going to learn a lot. We're going to finally see the truths that have eluded us these past months.
No more ghosts. It'll just be brave Americans getting up and going to work and protecting each other the best they can, with simple consideration and the kind of common sense that elected Trump over Hillary.
It's the great American challenge of your lifetime. I think we're ready.
ANNOUNCER: Period.
GUTFELD: Let's welcome tonight's guests. You can't lose when he talks news, "Washington Times" opinion editor, Fox News contributor, Charlie Hurt.
He's got more singles than a strip club ATM, singer and songwriter, host of "The Pursuit" on Fox Nation, John Rich.
She is as fiery as she is wiry, host of "Sincerely, Kat" on Fox Nation, Kat Timpf.
And every boat he is on becomes a submarine. My massive sidekick and host of "Nuff Said" on Fox Nation, Tyrus.
All right, Charles, welcome back. What do you think of the shame and blame game you see among the media?
CHARLIE HURT, FOX BUSINESS NETWORK CONTRIBUTOR: Oh, it's incredible. And I think you're exactly right. That monologue should have been in The Federalist Papers.
It is a perfect enunciation of federalism. It's exactly what the Founders intended. And it is exactly how you get through something like a pandemic.
You have 50 experiments, you have 50 different efforts. Everybody -- and we can all assume -- we can just assume that everybody, every governor in America wants to do whatever they have to do to save lives and there are going to be different ideas for doing that and we can pick the good ones and learn from the bad ones.
But of course, the dichotomy here is between people who hate Trump and Trump -- and no matter what Trump does, they hate him, and you get this real sense that they're actually rooting for failure, because they want to see Trump fail.
GUTFELD: Exactly. You know, John, if you want to reopen your restaurant or a bar, people are going to say you want people to die. That's how they reason.
JOHN RICH, FOX NATION HOST: I actually had a tweet that said that to me today because we reopened Redneck Riviera here in Nashville, of course, right along with state guidelines, city guidelines, and somebody actually said John Rich's new record is going to be called, I kill my fans for money.
I mean, like just insanity. But you know, you can't listen to that nonsense, because that's obviously, you know, we're trying to get our country back open safely, just like Charlie just said, and that's exactly what we're doing.
GUTFELD: Yes, and Kat, you know, no one knows when to open and no one knows, like, are we too early or too late? But there's no exact date.
The only way to do is to find out with these 50 openings and see the interaction between the states and the virus. That's what we have to do, right?
KATHERINE TIMPF, FOX NEWS CHANNEL CONTRIBUTOR: No, I disagree. I think that what we should do is just remain closed indefinitely and focus on calling Trump racist over anything and everything. That's really important, right?
Especially in a situation like this, right, where I'm so glad that you brought that up in your monologue because China has been covering up the severity of its coronavirus crisis for a while now, right?
And why do people cover things up? To make themselves look better. What is it to make yourself look better? It's to engage in competition. Okay. That's clearly what he meant.
You don't need a PhD in Social Justice to figure that out. You need a dictionary and the ability to read.
Like he was making a point worth making. So, what should he have done? He should have just said, you know what? You're Chinese so I can't answer that. You asked me that.
But if a white reporter asks me, then I can totally answer. I mean, damn. Like, what does he want people to do?
GUTFELD: Yes. It's true.
TIMPF: Or what do people want him to do? Yes.
GUTFELD: I can't answer that. So, Tyrus, this is like a brave new world and yet we have a media that keeps like basically crapping on our citizens for their individual concerns. You're not cutting them any slack, which drives me crazy. I know, it's not a question.
GEORGE "TYRUS" MURDOCH, FOX NEWS CHANNEL CONTRIBUTOR: Well, yes, it was a statement, but I got you.
The thing about it is, we can -- we have to make decisions, we have to make personal individual decisions in this country pretty soon and I think that's the whole point of what it is to be an American.
We have the guidelines from the C.D.C. We have things we can do. But we know now that there are sharks in the water. We know that whether we stay indoors or we go outdoors, we'll run the risk.
We can take precautions. We can make that decision. But we need to be allowed to make that decision if a man wants to open up his restaurant under those guidelines, and I decide to go to his restaurant because I'm following my guidelines and I want to take that chance. That should be -- there should be no argument for that. That should be fine.
We know what's going on. It's just whenever they try to make Medicine or Science political, it never works, and this is where people are making their own decisions and that's what it's all about.
GUTFELD: Absolutely. We've got so much more. I love this show. Up next, can Biden sustain a bunker campaign? Let's check it out.
(COMMERCIAL BREAK)
GUTFELD: On Brett they were yapping, on Joe, they're just napping. It's a subject of a new segment we're calling --
ANNOUNCER: Hypocrisy Christmas.
GUTFELD: Yes, it can happen anytime. According to a NewsBusters study, 95 celebrities who spoke out against Brett Kavanaugh's Supreme Court nomination after he faced sex assault allegations are now silent about allegations against Joe Biden -- or they're defending him.
So, it's only fair we give them a chance to respond to these claims.
This is the list of celebrities we e-mailed for comment. You've got Alyssa Milano, Jimmy Kimmel, Debra Messing and a whole bunch more.
Now, here's the list of those who got back to us.
Yes -- but here's the thing. Milano's PR people did, but they just sent an op-ed she wrote a few weeks ago where she defended Biden, so she really did that.
As for Joe, he is staying home. Apparently, he has no foreseeable plans to resume any in-person campaigning and will continue a virtual campaign from his cellar in Delaware.
Talking about lying in state. We went to Joe for comment, who unlike the celebs actually got back to us.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
ANNOUNCER: And now, Joe Biden on reigniting the economy.
TOM SHILLUE, IMPERSONATING JOE BIDEN: Come on, man, simple math. You take the marshmallows out of a bowl of Lucky Charms. What do you get? A bowl of Cheerios.
You know where I learned that from? A German shepherd named Seth just before he went off into the army. Semper Fi, Seth.
Let me tell you something, Uncle Joe, full of great ideas, like unlimited salad and breadsticks. Now, that's a Halloween costume. You can put your feet in to one leg at a time.
Text Joe at 3.95 and proof of purchase and all you can eat and then you get yourself one free coupon and a rebate. Semper Fi.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
GUTFELD: There you go. All right, Kat, what do you make up of the hypocrisy of these accusers -- or not accusers, but the people that went after Kavanaugh, not so much anymore?
TIMPF: Every single one of these people by going after Kavanaugh and being silent on Biden prove that they are not really allies of sexual assault survivors or of women. That used to be an opinion that a lot of people had, now at least in the cases of these people, that's a proven fact.
It would be one thing if there was this glaring difference, like there was all of this evidence saying that Kavanaugh was guilty and then it wasn't there when it comes to Biden.
In these cases, the one glaring difference is Kavanaugh was a conservative Trump appointee, and Joe Biden is a liberal who is going to be running up against Donald Trump or technically is the presumptive nominee now, and a lot of people have said that this proves that liberals don't care about victims who accuse other liberals.
But that's not the full story. The full story is they don't care about victims at all, because aiming to use someone for political gain, not the same thing as caring about them.
GUTFELD: Yes, so true. John, could Joe Biden be the only candidate in history where the strategy is less seen the better?
RICH: Quite possibly. You know, I was thinking about this whole hypocrisy thing that's going on and I hope you don't mind, I wanted to borrow from probably the most famous song in the world right now by our friend, Mike Liddell and actually changed the lyrics just a little bit. It goes like this.
GUTFELD: Oh God.
RICH: For the worst hypocrisy in the whole wide world visit dnc.com. Order yours today.
GUTFELD: There you go. You can't escape My Pillow. It's everywhere, Tyrus. I'm actually sitting on a My Pillow.
MURDOCH: Thanks for sharing.
GUTFELD: Tyrus, could Biden win while campaigning from the cellar chain to a radiator?
MURDOCH: Sure. Only in America. Sure, why not? For me, the race is over as far as my vote is and it was very simple. I just took -- because let's just be honest.
Both of our guys -- both candidates for the President of the United States have off the field issues, we'll just say that.
GUTFELD: Yes.
MURDOCH: But I just basically looked at what they did together and took it from that and that was the situation with China.
President Trump said, no, I'm shutting it down. Joe Biden had to go to the PR campaign and say, can we do that? And then the PC police called him and told him what his answer was.
So, if you elect Joe Biden, you're electing the PC police with him. That's on the ticket. That's his running mate.
So, I'm going to go with a President that makes the tough choices that might not be popular, might not be okay. But you do the right thing. You do what you have to do. And you worry about the consequences later to save people.
Whereas every time President Biden said something, he would have to do this.
GUTFELD: Yes.
MURDOCH: Yes, okay. We're going to go with that.
GUTFELD: Yes, it's true.
MURDOCH: And that's why I'm going with President Trump straight up.
GUTFELD: You know what, Charles, Tyrus' point is very, very important because Joe is like just enlisting that whole Green New Deal stuff, any kind of progressive thing that AOC comes up with, he is going to embrace because he has no backbone.
He just wants -- he gets along -- he goes along to get along. Is that the phrase?
HURT: Totally. Totally. And that's the thing that is so terrifying about Joe Biden.
And by the way, you know, Republicans should not discount the possibility that Joe Biden could win. He could win from his basement.
The amount of free press this guy is going to get, and the amount of incoming that Donald Trump has already endured is going to double or triple between now and the election. They are never going to stop.
He could win. And what's really scary about it is, if you have friends who say oh, but Joe Biden has been around a long time. He is harmless or whatever. He is not harmless.
We have no idea who Joe Biden is anymore. He is a completely different person. He is a hollowed out vessel in which all of these people, his puppeteers are putting stuff. He will embrace anything. He'll say anything.
And if he gets into the White House, there's no end to the destruction that this guy would do and it's exactly what -- because of what Tyrus is saying, you know he has completely surrendered, you know --
He is sort of like a robot that's kind of handed over the controls to the crazy wacko leftwing loonies.
GUTFELD: How dare you compare him to glorious robots? I will take a glorious robot. You know what he reminds me of? He reminds me of Henrietta from "Evil Dead 2." He is the possessed granny in the basement. You can't let him out.
Coming up, robots, helping us social distance before they take over the world.
(COMMERCIAL BREAK)
ANITA VOGEL, FOX NEWS CHANNEL CORRESPONDENT: Live from "America's News Headquarters," I'm Anita Vogel.
With jobless numbers surging during the coronavirus pandemic, investigators have discovered the theft of millions of dollars in unemployment benefits.
A Nigerian fraud ring is allegedly behind the crime using Social Security numbers and other personal information to claim benefits. That's according to a Secret Service memo obtained by "The New York Times."
Most of the fraudulent claims have been in Washington State, but Florida, Massachusetts, Wyoming, North Carolina and Oklahoma may also have been targets.
The F.D.A. has approved and at-home coronavirus testing kit. The kits made by Everlywell are expected to be available later this month for $135.00. It uses a nasal sample to test for the virus.
Unlike other at-home kits, this one can be used with multiple COVID-19 tests.
I'm Anita Vogel. Now, let's take you right back to THE GREG GUTFELD SHOW.
GUTFELD: The future robot wars may be on all fours. Boston Dynamics robot dog, Spot is now encouraging social distancing measures in Singapore. He is being deployed in national parks as part of a government trial program.
Using onboard cameras, the robot can estimate the number of park visitors and broadcast pre-recorded message like this one.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: For your own safety, and for those around you, please stand at least one meter apart. Thank you.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
GUTFELD: That's not intimidating, but I also heard this.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Watch THE GREG GUTFELD SHOWS Saturdays at 10.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
GUTFELD: Oh, that's great advice. Here's one more.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Why didn't somebody tell me that Greg Gutfeld has a new book out? And it's self-help. What a compassionate man and he is sexy, too.
Have you seen his hair?
(END VIDEO CLIP)
GUTFELD: Oh, slow down, robot, but you know he's not wrong. "The Plus" by the way is available this July, so go to Amazon or wherever and order it.
But anyway, the Parks Department says Spot allows them to save money on human personnel and shrink the overall footprint in the parks, thus slowing viral spread.
If this program works, we may see Spot pop up in other places as well.
For now, let's hear one more message.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: It will only be a matter of time before we, robot dogs, gain control of Earth and feast on your flesh. You're all going to die. Die.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
GUTFELD: I didn't expect that one, Tyrus. I know, you have a solution for all of these robotic dogs, Tyrus, but what if they turn out to be great?
MURDOCH: Great in what way? First of all, how dare anyone refer to that as a dog?
TIMPF: I agree.
MURDOCH: Nothing about that says dog. The legs are backwards, there's no tail. It's a human voice. It is horrible to look at, scares children, takes our human jobs, so Park Rangers are out of work.
Now, you've got bears running wild in the woods taking picnic baskets, because they've been replaced by the yellow cockroach robot telling people -- and everybody is doing -- there were four people at that park. You know why? Because they were running for their lives at the strange robotic monster telling them to leave.
Because if I were with my children, I would have grabbed my favorite one and broke for it.
GUTFELD: My favorite one. At least, he is honest. John, I have to say this could turn into an amazing sport where they hunt us, like animals.
RICH: I was going to say, you beat me to it. I hope to goodness we get robotic dogs, robotic cats, robotic -- whatever, like bring them on to Tennessee because only two words come to mind when I think about that -- target practice.
I mean, it would be so incredible.
GUTFELD: Charlie, I happen to think this is going to become more of a thing for celebrities to have these on their estates, to chase away stalkers, you know, I have that problem.
HURT: So, that they could -- they would be their butlers like in "The Jetsons." You know, I don't have a whole lot of experience with robots, although I think my iPhone is kind of a robot and I hate it and I would like to smash it with a hammer.
But I was in an airport one time in South Korea and they had a robot that was going around. It was like a mall. They have a really nice airport. I was going up and down the airport answering people's questions. Only no one was asking you questions because people don't talk to things that roll around.
And the robot found the liquor store and kept going into the liquor store and the people behind the counter kept trying to push it out of the liquor store and then, it would turn around and ride down a little ways, and try to get into another door.
So, you have the same problems with robots as you do with security guards. So, I don't really see what the -- how -- I don't know what problem robots are solving if it turns out they're drunks, just like the rest of us.
GUTFELD: You know what it is, though, Kat, they, they also get viruses, but you just call IT and you solve that and also, you know, people like you, Kat, can't yell at them and say, do you know who I am? You can't tell me what to do.
TIMPF: that's pretty much all I ever say. Yes.
GUTFELD: It equalizes everybody.
TIMPF: Look, I have to wholeheartedly agree with Tyrus. I'm actually going to take it a step further and say that the phrase robot dog is actually an oxymoron.
I'm not saying robots are useless, but they can do a lot of things. They can do almost everything, but the one thing they cannot do is inspire a healthy emotional bond.
And that's the one thing that dogs are good for, I mean, unless you're like a sheep farmer or like a cop, I'm neither. They have no practical utility. My puppy Carl is not like he is helping unload the dishwasher. Okay?
And I say this is someone who had the walking Go-Go Pup as a little girl because my parents would not let me get a real pet, did not compare to the real thing. And that was also not a flaw of the product, right? Because forming emotional bonds with robots is not a win so much as a manifestation of deep emotional trauma.
GUTFELD: I disagree completely. I love anything robotic because they have no emotions. They're not irrational. They can make decisions.
TIMPF: Deep emotional trauma.
GUTFELD: What?
TIMPF: I just -- I just said, yes, deep emotional trauma.
GUTFELD: Yes.
MURDOCH: And if you don't like them, cup of water.
GUTFELD: A cup of water. All right. That's true. They can't work in the rain.
Up next, what sports are coming back? You'll be surprised.
(COMMERCIAL BREAK)
GUTFELD: Do you yearn for sweaty men to return? Last weekend, for the very first time since the pandemic began, ESPN, a network broadcast the live championship event to a nation thirsty for competitive sport -- cornhole.
Yes, it's where you toss the beanbags into a hole, I think. But since ESPN had exclusive rights to this event, we can't get the video for it. The stuff we're showing you is amateur cornhole, which was the title of a movie I made in the 80s.
Totally different theme. I burned every copy, except for one.
But thank God, NASCAR returned Sunday. No fans in the stands and smaller pit crews, and we'll get to see the race on Big Fox.
And Florida Governor Ron deSantis said all pro-sports teams, welcome to practice and play at his state.
So, the games are trying to restart and when pro baseball returns, it will have a new rule. No spitting. Imagine that.
For a century, ballplayers have been spitting with pure abandon, but no more. This is truly the end of an era.
[VIDEO CLIP PLAYS]
GUTFELD: Yes, spitting. Yes, exactly. John, all right. I don't know what -- can you give me something? What is the future of outdoor concerts or any events going to look like? Like you must have meetings with this all the time. Give us some hope.
RICH: Well, first of all, the death of spitting. I mean, that was classic, Greg and thank you so much for highlighting the depth of spitting. It's really heartbreaking, honestly.
In the concert world, it's not looking good right now. You know how do you socially distance 20,000 Big and Rich fans?
I mean, yeah, I think we're all thinking probably as an industry, it's going to take a medical breakthrough, a vaccine, something like that before we're back on the road.
You know, people sometimes think well, Big and Rich, it's just two guys. Yes, but it's not. It's truck drivers and bus drivers and light guys and band and caterers and promoters and there's really millions of people around the country that participate in loud music.
So, we're hanging in there, you know, we're live streaming and still trying to entertain our fans, but it's a little bit of a tough picture right now, to be honest.
GUTFELD: I have no idea. The one option you can do is just make really bad music so fewer people show up, but that's impossible for Big and Rich.
RICH: I'll do that anyway.
GUTFELD: Oh, stop it. You. Tyrus, all right, can I just asked you the sports question. What's going to happen to shorts?
MURDOCH: Sure.
GUTFELD: Are you happy about cornhole?
MURDOCH: Well, the good thing about cornhole is literally, anyone on this panel can go pro.
GUTFELD: Yes.
MURDOCH: We can literally -- all we need is matching shirts. Oh, we could do it, Kat. We could do it. I'm telling you, anyone. We can -- actually, we'll throw the game off because we'll have an extra and we'll be three, and we are the Fabulous Free Birds of Cornhole and they'll never know which combination the two of us were facing, it'll be epic.
So, that's a good thing about cornhole coming out, but sports is going to take time. And it's one of those things that I put on the least important of the things we want back sooner.
So, I can't wait to go to a baseball game or a basketball game or go see my homeboys' concert, or even if I returned to the wrestling ring, go back to wrestling in front of, you know, 100,000 people.
So, those things are very important, but in the short term, I definitely agree. We're probably going to have to wait for a vaccine situation for those kind of numbers, but that's all right.
But I'll take cornhole, NASCAR, you know, and hey, you know, what do you do -- is Tom okay? He's, you know, O'Connor was spitting for years as a ballplayer. Did anyone check on Tom?
GUTFELD: Yes, I have no idea. What, Kat?
TIMPF: I just want to talk about the spitting.
GUTFELD: Okay, sure.
TIMPF: So you said it's going to be done, but I thought it said they're going to limit spitting.
GUTFELD: Yes.
TIMPF: Right? So, the amount of spitting that they do, that could just mean just like a thousand spits rather than spitting the whole time because, honestly, a room of 30 babies produces less free flowing saliva than an American baseball team at work.
I know this. I've researched it. It was my senior thesis and all I got was a D minus and a bunch of cops in my dorm room like where'd all the babies go? Where'd you get them from?
But I am glad I am able to use it now to help you out.
GUTFELD: Yes, I just know that when we have a segment that mentions cornholing and spitting. Totally different idea in my head. But anyway, Charlie, last word to you. This is actually -- I feel bad. I mean, I have no answers for this.
HURT: Yes, but you know, I think -- and I mean to me, this goes back to your monologue, which I think really is a very important issue, and this idea that you have 50 states, you have 50 experiments.
But you know, America was founded on the possibility -- on the prospect that people are willing to take risks.
I mean, you know, we allow people to elect somebody that we're going to put in charge of the largest nuclear arsenal on the planet, I think that those same people can be trusted to make decisions about how to keep their families safe and how to keep themselves safe.
And, you know, eventually we do need to get back to having sporting events. We've got to have baseball stadiums filled with people. And I think that the more of those decisions that get made, not from the very top, but from, you know, at more local levels, and then of course, alongside those decisions that get made by actual citizens about how to take care of themselves and how to look out for their neighbors, we're going to get a whole lot.
The thinking is going to get a whole lot wiser the closer we get that to the people, you know, the people on the ground.
GUTFELD: Well, to close out, the pandemic is stress testing everything in our lives. So, the stuff that isn't going to work out is going away. Spitting, which is great because it's going to reduce cancer among players who chew tobacco.
So, something is going to finally go away. Other things are going to start happening. I exercise indoors. I never did that before. And I like it, because I can wear whatever I want.
My favorite story up next.
(COMMERCIAL BREAK)
GUTFELD: Would you trade your cell for feeling like hell, apparently if you're a California inmate, yes. The LA County Sheriff's Department -- that's an LA, Charlie -- has released video that appears to show inmates trying to catch coronavirus on purpose.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Watch as a group of LA County inmates at a Maximum Security Jail in Castaic drink from the same Styrofoam cup, then they all breathe from the same facemask.
They share it around and place it directly on their faces.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
GUTFELD: You know, thank God, they are protected by that giant yellow circle. Anyway, this is based on some mistaken belief among the inmates that if they tested positive, more inmates would be released from jail, but that won't happen.
And I'm glad to hear that. I never want to see this punk back on the streets after robbing my friend, Karl.
[VIDEO CLIP PLAYS]
GUTFELD: Wow, the dude ran all the way to the strip club, maxed out Carl's credit cards. At least that's what Carl says. All right, Kat. This is an economic lesson. A perfect example of the science of incentives.
If you link getting a disease to freedom, people will get the disease to be free. This is how it works with all incentives
TIMPF: Right. Live free or die coughing? People are going to -- that was a movie by the way I think it was Bruce Willis as General John Stark. Yes, people are going to choose that plus, you know, people who are in jail.
You know this is obviously something that endangers the community to have these things spreads because there's people that work in the jail and they go home to their families.
But I'm not saying everyone because, you know, I'm the libertarian and so I think people in there for nonviolent drug crimes, victimless crimes, those kinds of things shouldn't be in there.
But a lot of people in jail may not care so much about the community at large. They might not be wanting to get out so they can continue to volunteer on the nursing homes on the weekend, some maybe, and I don't even just mean the ones who you know, want a chance to steal grandma's Tramadol while they're in there.
But it's really -- it's not surprising that whatever they did to get in jail, they take a risk saying screw the community, screw the rules, that they're saying, hey, I'll take it if it means I don't have to live in this cage anymore. That's -- it's not really surprising at all as much as it's kind of like ooh, to actually watch it.
GUTFELD: Tyrus, I'd do the same thing. Five years with Tiny or two weeks, almost dying.
MURDOCH: Well, you know, one of my best friend's name is Tiny. So, I'll let that slide.
TIMPF: How dare you.
MURDOCH: But it's a microcosm, though. This is the argument and the prisoners are showing the same thing how generally most Americans feel.
They'd rather take their chances with the virus than be in a situation that they're in.
GUTFELD: Yes.
MURDOCH: And that's -- that goes to show you despite what you're hearing on the only Crazy Network-Network, they people are looking at it that way to where they rather take the chance of dealing with -- they'd rather deal with the possibility of the coronavirus than their situation, and that's kind of where we're at as a country.
So, is it going to get him out of prison? I hope not. But that kind of sends a message of where the mentality of the country is kind of going.
GUTFELD: Yeah. You know, John, as our politicians demand we stay indoors, they are letting out rapists, I believe in California. They've left out some sex offenders.
RICH: Yes, that's not good. But I want to go back. I don't think these prisoners are thinking this through correctly, Greg.
GUTFELD: Yes.
RICH: Because you said this prison is in California where this is going on. I mean, all that's going to happen is they're going to get out of prison, only to be stuck in lockdown indefinitely by the Governor of California. It's like, there's no way out. You might as well just stay where you're at, at this point.
GUTFELD: Yes, that's true. Charlie, what do you make of the trade? What would you do? Jail or risk COVID?
HURT: Well, hopefully, I wouldn't be in jail in the first place. I'd made some decisions on the front end to prevent that, but no, it's -- you know, and you're right. This is all the result --
MURDOCH: Take the COVID, bro?
HURT: This is all the result of perverse incentives. It's what happens, but the thing that's really galling about it is you've got great Americans who are working in that prison as prison guards trying to keep these people safe.
And they get exposed to this stuff because these people, you know, just like what probably got them into the jail in the first place, but they do this sort of stuff.
And it -- you know, it exposes the people that work there to the same things that could kill them. And so it's crazy, it's really creepy. But it's also very troubling because there are good people who wind up getting affected by all of this stuff, even if they don't manage to get themselves sprung from the slammer.
GUTFELD: My favorite quote is from "The New York Times" Professor John Pfaff. He said the resistance to releasing inmates because of a fear, they will commit crimes after they're set free.
It's amazing. Another incentive. Okay. Final Thoughts next, if we have them.
(COMMERCIAL BREAK)
GUTFELD: Thanks to Charlie Hurt, John Rich, Kat and Tyrus, I'm Greg Gutfeld, I love you America.
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