Worst of the Web: The 10 Worst Internet Devices

Getting readers to type URLs into a browser is harder than getting publishers to print barcodes. People will surely keep a barcode scanner on hand whenever they read magazines, right? The barcodes were to contain ad codes, which linked to product info pages online -- what fun! The CueCat was an almost instant flop. Today, CueCats still lurk on eBay -- and there are pages of instructions for hacking the devices for personal use. Lesson learned: People don’t want to carry bulky hardware whose sole purpose is to help them see more advertising -- although there’s a market for personal barcode scanners. (Digital Convergence Corp.)

In 2000, when everyone knew about the Internet but many weren’t yet hooked, 3Com gave us the Ergo Audrey Internet appliance -- Audrey for short. Priced like a desktop computer but closer to a crummy PDA in function, Audrey shortly failed, as real computers got cheaper and consumers adopted broadband. Lesson learned: Consumers want more capability, not less -- and brushing off the promise of broadband is unforgivable. (3COM)

Such a clearly terrible idea that Microsoft (MSN UK, actually) intermittently claimed it was a joke, the iLoo was, well, an Internet-enabled portable toilet, complete with waterproof keyboard. Despite promises of special hygiene technology including vacuum suction, this idea didn’t pass the sniff test. Lesson learned: Port-o-potties are unpleasant no matter their baud rate. (MSN)

Speaking of sniff tests, though enterprising advertisers, theater managers, and now USB gadget developers keep trying, no artificial odor–releaser has yet passed the olfactory <a target="_blank" href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Turing_test">Turing test</a>. That didn't stop DigiScents from trying, with a gizmo designed to make Web pages smell. More to the point, if you thought audible pop-up ads were annoying, smellable ones might just send you over the edge. Lesson learned? Maybe this time. (DigiScents)

Would the economy be less of a mess if we all took the Orb’s groovy approach to finance? The little frosted glass ball received stock market data wirelessly and changed from green (copacetic) to yellow (nothing much going on) to red (CALL YOUR BROKER NOW, DUDE). Because when it comes to our finances, who needs numbers? Lesson learned: We need the numbers. (Ambient Devices Inc.)

Even Dick Tracy fans didn’t jump on board with Microsoft’s mammoth smart wristwatches, which debuted right around the time when many people began forgoing wristwatches entirely in favor of the clocks on their cell phones. The bulky watches required a subscription to MSN Direct, promising local info such as traffic alerts and weather. It sounded convenient -- but the cell phone won over the watch. MSN Direct will cease service at the end of 2011. Lesson learned: When it comes to service, think bigger; for accessories, smaller. (MSN)

We met Star Trek’s Borg creatures back in 1989. Was 13 years long enough to forget how silly they looked? And those guys had implants, not fanny packs, as Xybernaut promised with its wearable computer screens. The poma was underpowered and overpriced for a post–Internet bubble economy -- and walking around with one eye on your computer is bound to cause a headache, either from eye strain or from walking into a wall. Lesson learned: Cell phones win again, though walking into a wall because you’re watching the latest YouTube sensation on your cell phone is still a big risk. (Poma)

Introducing the Mira concept, Microsoft explained that it would extend computers the way cordless handsets extended telephones. A Mira monitor could undock and sit on the couch with you, giving you wireless access to your desktop PC. Then came the showstoppers: while you used the display, no one could use the computer; and the software couldn’t refresh quickly enough to show video. Microsoft quickly dropped support for the software. Lesson learned: Both the hardware and the software have to work. (Philips)

It’s a mouse! Now unfold it and it’s a digital phone! Here's the thing: Not every two devices should converge (see also: <a target="_blank" href="http://www.cycoactive.com/blender/">the Blenderphone</a>). Our question: What if you need to use your mouse while you’re talking? Sony’s answer: You can always use your notebook PC's touchpad. What if you’re not using a laptop? Sony’s answer: This product is no longer available. Lesson learned: Do real-world testing before releasing a product. (Sony)

A device that lets you use Twitter on the go, connecting wirelessly and with a tiny, full keyboard? Why, that sounds like a smart phone! But wait, you say it isn’t capable of phone service -- and costs up to $200? So long, TwitterPeek. Lesson learned: Yet again, connected mobile devices must provide phone service -- or something your existing cell phone doesn’t. (Peek)