The Talented Mr. Obama

Today is a big day. President Obama is announcing his plans for Afghanistan.

No matter what he says, he's guaranteed to hack off a ton of people within the first five seconds of the speech. That's because he's pre-empting "Charlie Brown's Christmas." It's a classic, except I never understood a single word Charlie Brown's teacher said. I'm not sure how he learned anything. And maybe he didn't because really, how many times can you fall for the football trick?

Apparently General Stanley McChrystal must talk in the same way that teacher does, because Obama's plan (reportedly) falls short on the needed troop levels.

Obama will be sending in about 30,000 additional troops, when McCrystal asked for 60,000 with a minimum of forty-thousand. The media is conveniently not bothering to report the entire story: A real compromise would be around 50,000 troops.

So why would he fall thousands short of the request from the general in the field? Unless — maybe — could it be — we are so lucky! We have the most talented president who's ever walked the face of the Earth. Yes, this man is so-goshed-darn smart that he doesn't need a West Point education. He's organized an entire community; he can organize Afghanistan. He knows the real number of soldiers needed. Forget what that crazy general says; he didn't go to organizing school.

And the president knows a thing or two about troop levels. He's been talking about them since 2007:

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

THEN-SENATOR BARACK OBAMA: We've got to get the job done there. And that requires us to have enough troops that we're not just air-raiding villages and killing civilians, which is causing enormous problems there.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

Yes, we don't want our troops just haphazardly killing civilians. So let's get the number right; take the best experts opinion possible — the military commanders on the field — and completely ignore their advice.

Thank God we have such a talent in office. There are so many pressing issues and if we didn't have a raw genius like Obama, how else would we be able to ignore so many experts in their respective fields?

Take the auto industry: Obama knows how to run a car company better than the CEOs who have spent decades in the business. And look at the fruits we are seeing from that one. A GM plant was opened up in Joe Biden's hometown.

His wife is so modest when it comes to their wealth; she calls it "Jack and his magic beans." But it was no accident. How else could you explain him fixing the entire financial industry! Sure, his treasury secretary can't quite figure out complex things — like TurboTax — and he thinks the trillion-dollar health care bill is "deficit neutral."

The president knows about police work too. He has this incredible ability to have no facts in the case whatsoever and be able to tell that the police acted stupidly. And he'll go on national TV and say so. Maybe he'll tell us tonight before he enlightens us on the troop levels that the four Navy SEALs acted like idiots when they gave a terrorist a fat lip.

Security: He doesn't even really need the Secret Service, because apparently someone in the White House knows who can and cannot enter into functions without a guest list.

The president's so smart he's even inventing jobs all across America. When he looks America in the eye and says — as there is 10.2 percent unemployment — that he's "saved or created more than one million jobs," you know that the four million jobs lost since he became president are irrelevant. Those are the old kinds of jobs, not those shiny new green kind.

And yes, those leaked e-mails from climate scientists seem to settle the science that the science is not settled. A normal president might actually be swayed by this proof, but not this White House. Our genius in chief is still moving forward at Copenhagen next week with the reduce emissions by 17 percent goal. I can't understand how that is a good trade off: We cut a tiny slice of world emissions and we get cap-and-trade, a system that will help destroy our economy like it has everywhere else it's been tried. But then again, I'm not qualified to ignore people with actual experience like the president is.

In all these areas, President Obama knows better than people who have actually done or who are currently doing the job. I guess that's why CBS is running polls to see if Obama should be the next face on Mt. Rushmore.

Hey, why wait? Let's start carving it up now. But we might have to truck in more rock, just to show how big this guy's head really is.

I can't imagine that I'm the only person that believes you listen to the commanders in the field. And if you disagree with this general's philosophy and think he's making bad choices, then fire him. Pick a new one and whatever strategy you choose, do it all the way. No cutting it half.

If you want your face next to Abe Lincoln, then try following his example. Lincoln was unpopular at the outset of the Civil War, he couldn't find a general that would do the job the right way. So he would fire them and he'd hire another, until finally he ended up with Grant.

It's either fire McCrystal or do what he says.

But, I'll take the president's best guess on the troop levels over those in Congress. Because at least he has seen the un-redacted McCrystal report (allegedly). The report's been in Washington for several weeks now. And, thanks to a tip from a Refounder, we've learned that only a handful of people have read it.

How can you sit there and vote on troop levels or funding if you haven't even read the report?

Congressman David Obey — the guy who proposed a tax on the wealthy to pay for the war — called sending in more troops "a fool's errand." How would you know, David? You must be uniquely talented too, because you didn't bother to read the report. A report that I'm told is "perspective changing" on Afghanistan; it just sits and collects dust.

Maybe we should ask the brilliant Harry Reid for advice? I seem to recall he had some during the Iraq war — what was it?

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

SENATE MAJORITY LEADER HARRY REID, D-NEV.: Now I believe... that this war is lost.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

Oh right — it was lost. So where are you now, Harry? You don't seem so worried about sending in these troops. Did you learn your lesson after the first surge actually worked or are you just flipping positions now because you are playing politics? This is just a wild guess, but I'm going to lean towards the latter.

Which reminds me of another war: Vietnam. The politicians cared more about their own hides during that one as well and I don't need to remind you how that ended up.

But at least then, there were some Democrats with the courage of their convictions. They didn't believe in the war and so they stopped funding it in order to get the troops home. But they won't do that now. Because the politically safe thing to do is play it down the middle. Try and appease one side without alienating your base.

Well that's just great. But you know who gets alienated when you do that? Our troops. In fact, many of them die.

So maybe we shouldn't pre-empt "Charlie Brown's Christmas." Maybe we should put everything back in its rightful place and listen to messages that actually mean something. Kids, because the president is speaking, tonight you are going to miss one of the most politically incorrect scenes on TV: When Linus takes the stage and says:

"And there were in the same country shepherds abiding in the field, keeping watch over their flock by night.
And, lo, the angel of the Lord came upon them, and the glory of the Lord shone round about them: and they were sore afraid.
And the angel said unto them: Fear not. For, behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy, which shall be to all people.
For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Savior, which is Christ the Lord.
And this shall be a sign unto you: Ye shall find the babe wrapped in swaddling clothes, lying in a manger.
And suddenly there was with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host praising God, and saying,
Glory to God in the highest, and on Earth peace, good will toward men."

If we want to restore our country and do the right thing, we should probably listen. We should read the words Linus was quoting from time to time. Get perspective and then to gain even more perspective and actually read the report.

We can learn a lot from the shepherds in the field and we can also learn a lot from the generals in the field.

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