Take the Test

Elizabeth Edwards was recently on Larry King defending her cad of a husband while, of course, pumping her new book. At one point she said that despite his philandering, her husband did a great thing by making poverty an issue on the campaign trail.

But when the crypt-keeper asked her if her husband would take a DNA test to prove that the other chick's daughter isn't his, Elizabeth replied that she had no idea. Finally, when King pushed again about the test, she said, "I don't need this."

Now, I find hard it to believe that this DNA question never came up over breakfast at the Edwards home. But that's not what boils my bacon. If John, as his wife claims, cares enough about poverty to make it a campaign issue, then why doesn't he care about the poverty of a single baby?

Even more, you'd think Elizabeth — so proud of her husband's stance — would urge him to take the test and be a father to a baby who needs cash for diapers and, in a few years, hair gel.

I mean, if you're going to talk about the despair of poverty, Mr. Money-Pants, put your money where your big mouth is.

Well, progressivism doesn't work that way.

It's the maxim of the left: If you think globally, you can screw everyone else locally. Those grand ideals — evident in a greater concern for the world — always disappear when it's closer to home, where it matters most.

Anyone who has ever had a lefty roommate knows this: He will protest against greed, but he won't pony up for the groceries. He will rail against injustice, but he will never clean the bathroom — which is a real injustice.

So, as a strike against poverty, Edwards should take the DNA test. And then his poor wife can write another book about it.

And if you disagree with me, then you sir are worse than Hitler.

Greg Gutfeld hosts "Red Eye with Greg Gutfeld" weekdays at 3 a.m. ET. Send your comments to: redeye@foxnews.com