Reality Check: Whoever Said Rumors Are No Fun Doesn't Watch 'The Hills'

They say that rumors are no fun, but they must not be "Hills" viewers.

After a month of anticipation, we finally got to see what went down when Audrina Patridge heard JustinBobby had cheated on her with Lauren Conrad. And even with all the hype nothing about the episode disappointed. Nothing that is, except Audrina.

Not that it’s not normal to get upset when someone tells you your best friend and boyfriend hooked up. It was completely justified for Audrina to question the rumor’s truth and ask Lauren and Justin about it. Calling the entire town first however, was not.

Could you imagine being Lauren, and walking into a coffee shop to find out that even Stephanie Pratt got a text from Audrina about it?

First of all, how exactly do you text something like that? Whether you’re seeking answers or advice I would think an issue that important would require (gasp) a real phone call.

Also, it’s STEPHANIE PRATT. She and Audrina aren’t friends; she and Justin aren’t friends; heck, she and Lauren aren’t really friends. What insight could she possibly have for Audrina other than to point out the difference between herself, the type of person that would totally sleep with her bf’s bf, and Lauren, the type that wouldn’t?

For Stephanie’s part, she seemed to quite enjoy being the one giving --and not getting-- the evil eye for once. Rather than give Lauren a shoulder to cry on, ShePratt seemed more like she was giving her an interrogation with an accusatory “so what’s your story?” And as L.C. tried to explain how crazy the whole thing is, Steph fired back with a “well Justin has hooked up with Audrina’s friends.” It’s like the girl is so eager to surrender her biggest-shadeball-in-hollywood title she’s even trying to convince Lauren the rumor is true. All that conversation needed was an “Are you sure you didn’t hook up with him?”

Which wouldn’t have been much worse than Audrina asking Lauren, “Do you swear you didn’t do it?” after she’d denied the rumor “ten times.” Note to Audrina: if you’re “not accusing” someone of something and you’re looking “resolve things,” it’s probably not a great idea to passive aggressively imply that you have no reason to believe them and then accuse them of being wrong in their infamous feud with their ex-best friend.

Unless of course you want to join the ranks.

Kind of like where you’re looking to get back in your sister’s good graces, it’s probably not such a great idea to surprise her at her work cubicle only to blurt out “I thought you had an office?” Is tact really THAT hard to come by in Hollywood? Holly Montag goes on to tell Heidi that her boyfriend Spencer Pratt is pushing everyone who cares about her out of her life.

For a hot minute, it seems like the message might actually be sinking in as a very annoyed Heidi realizes that Spencer lied straight to her face about her sister having stopped by earlier. Of course, we now know that the two just finished eloping in Mexico so the suspense is ruined. The brainwashing continues.

On that note, JustinBobby finally returns Audrina’s many mean messages and agrees to meet her only to let her know she believed something “really fictitious” and “there’s something not right there, dude.” He adds that after hearing all her harsh messages he doesn’t really want to talk to her anymore as he would never talk to her that way. This from the boy who made her swim naked in a pool on national television only to let her know he was gonna use his “hall pass” on their upcoming vacation.

Maybe if you didn’t cheat on your girlfriend all the time, stopped disappearing for weeks on end and called her back after the first 10 messages she wouldn’t have resorted to calling you out for being the dbag that you are. That’s one of the downsides of being shady; it kind of ruins the effect when you pull the “I can’t believe you don’t trust me” routine and storm out of a bar.
But onto more important shady characters, who the hell is Dino?! If Audrina’s been friends him for two years why haven’t we heard of him? And where the heck were the camera’s when he dropped this bomb? If they were dumb enough to miss it couldn’t MTV have just recreate it like they do everything else? Don’t we at least deserve that for watching all this time?

I guess not because we end this week's episode with all of these things up in the air.

I’m gonna go ahead and say Dino is actually Spencer. We’ve all wondered what he does in his “office” all day. Now we know: he thinks up aliases, dresses up in disguise and goes around spreading sex lies to people dumb enough to believe them.

Take THAT MTV! If you’re not going to answer the good questions, I’m just going resort to rumors. They’re more fun anyway, and this one’s more believable.