Reality Check: Drama Follows Feuds on 'The Hills'

Another episode of "The Hills" brings us another round of feuds to digest. This week’s theme: “Can’t we all just get along?” The answer: Sure, but then we wouldn’t have anything to watch.

“Audrina vs. Lo: Battle to the Death” seems to be moving along nicely, though I’m not sure Audrina Patridge knows what she’s up against.

After Audrina came out swinging last week with “we’ll never be friends,” Lo Bosworth is now going with the overly-nice-but-overtly-fake approach, which, as it turns out, is quite terrifying.

There are few things scarier than the vision of Lo telling Audrina at Stephanie Pratt’s party that she looked pretty and that she was happy they talked. Her words said, “I’m trying to be nice,” but the expression on her face said, “Actually, I’m plotting your death.”

Audrina seemed unfamiliar with this style of combat, and opted to retreat. But I’m willing to bet she’ll be back for more.

If she needs any pointers on returning to the ring, she can always ask Spencer Pratt and Heidi Montag. These two seem to love nothing more than to stir up some old grudges, and it’s probably hard not to, considering they seem to have a problem with all of Los Angeles. You’d think the cops showed up by how quickly everyone cleared out upon their arrival to the She-Pratt’s birthday.

Though I think being stranded with her awful brother, his big-on-breasts-short-on-personality girlfriend and apparently the only two independent friends she has was punishment enough. Did Lauren Conrad really need to lay on the trust guilt trip? I don’t think you can call someone a traitor because their sibling surprises them at their own birthday party.

Not to mention, the only thing Stephanie told Lauren about Spencer and Heidi was that she didn’t know if they were coming. So, I’m still not sure how their presence was a betrayal on Stephanie’s part, but if it’s an excuse for a new feud, who am I to question it?

Not like Stephanie needs any more feuds. A preview of next week shows Brody’s not her biggest fan, and it seems she’s become the latest addition to Spencer and Heidi’s scroll of enemies too.

As Spencer so eloquently explained, he and L.C. are like “Iran and Israel.” So his sister’s botched attempt at Middle East peace has apparently landed her in his Axis of Evil.

I think the only person who’s managed to stay out of Spencer’s sights is Whitney Port. But even perfectly pleasant Whitney is not without feuds these days, edging “pretty, pretty, happy, happy” Jessica out of a job. Didn’t she know Whitney has the “pretty, happy” market cornered? Silly Jessica.

So now Whitney will be stuck bouncing back and forth between coasts as everyone else is stuck bouncing back and forth between feuding friends. I predict some serious jet lag.