It's the CIA's Job to Kill Bad People

So according to the Wall Street Journal — a paper owned by me — the CIA had come up with a secret plan to off Al Qaeda chieftains, something the Democrats claim they were never told about.

Now, for some reason the actual program was dropped. The sad thing is, it probably would have worked, but having to disclose the plan would have endangered those asked to carry it out.

I mean, if your job is to sneak around killing terrorists, then it should be kept secret — which is something frowned upon by people who don't understand that beating evil means eradicating it. We call them asshats. You can find them in the phone book under Pelosi.

Which brings me to a handy quiz you can take while you're on a bus, a train or perhaps even a plane. It tells you if you're also an asshat:

Of these two statements, which one do you agree with most:

• It's wrong that the CIA creates secret plans to kill terrorists and those involved should be tried for war crimes

• It's awesome that the CIA has secret plans to kill terrorists. It's what they're paid to do and if they don't do it, they should be fired or at least work at MSNBC

If you agreed with the first statement, then get off that bus, train or plane. You're an asshat and don't deserve to be there. After all, the very actions that you want prosecuted are the actions guaranteeing your safety on that transportation.

Instead, travel by foot. And, if you're in my neighborhood, be careful where you step. I have an active bladder.

And if you disagree with me, then you sir are worse than Hitler.

Greg Gutfeld hosts "Red Eye with Greg Gutfeld" weekdays at 3 a.m. ET. Send your comments to: redeye@foxnews.com