FOXSexpert: 'The Secret' to Great Sex?

“The Secret” sex expert test is something I’ve been meaning to do for a while, yet I thumb my nose up to delving into anything that’s too trendy.

I have yet to pick up a Harry Potter book, for example, so I didn’t get around to reading Rhonda Byrne’s "The Secret," which has been the rage worldwide for over a year, ‘til this past holiday season. My quest: to learn how this much-hyped concept of "The Secret" can be applied to one’s love life, if at all.

If you’re not familiar with "The Secret," the gist of it is based on the law of attraction. Basically, the universe acts like your genie, with your wish it’s every command. The universe is willing to grant you anything you want, like money, health, happiness, or love, as long as you put it out there that you really want it.

Framed differently, the theme is basically like attracts like, with your life reflecting what you’re persistently focusing on for better or for worse. Your thoughts attract like thoughts, with these thoughts becoming reality, including what you don’t want. Everything sent out, good or bad, returns to the source, which ultimately puts you in charge of your own joy or misery.

So how does this apply to your love life? If you think about good sex, will it come?

Here are some great examples of how the book’s philosophy can help you (unfortunately none of these examples are actually in the book):

— If you think that you’re never going to meet someone special, then, guess what, you won’t.

— If you think you’re sexy, then you will become sexy.

— If you believe that passion in a relationship doesn’t last beyond a couple of years, that’s when the fires will become embers in your own love affair.

— If you believe that sex after 60 is non-existent, then your sex life as a senior will become just that — deplete.

It’s funny that "The Secret" doesn’t execute in spelling out such major love life issues, despite featuring the likes of relationship expert John Gray. I was a bit disappointed with the chapter on relationships, which simply asks the reader: Do your actions contradict your desires? It warns the reader that what you resist you attract because you are powerfully focused on it with emotion.

It also advises the reader to treat the self as you want to be treated, and to give more to yourself instead of always making sacrifices for others. You’re responsible for your own joy, so focus on what’s wonderful about you. Fair enough. People should make sure that they’re being good to the self, but many relationship problems involve lovers being too focused on themselves. So such tidbits don’t really help most of us.

Finally, as far as your relationship goes, all "The Secret" offers is a quick blurb on the need to focus on the good in your partner, not the complaints, as this will result in more of the strengths being cultivated. Lovers are definitely easier to get along with when you highlight what you like about them, but ignoring your dislikes is not going to make it any easier to deal with a situation that will simply fester, at least in my opinion.

As I assessed from watching a few minutes of Oprah’s segment on "The Secret" months ago, this law of attraction is based on nothing more than self-fulfilling prophecy. One’s beliefs are made true through one’s actions, unconscious or not, which results in a prediction being fulfilled. Your thoughts are a powerful magnet as far as your reality goes. Whether or not you believe in "The Secret," any Psych 101 class will cover self-fulfilling prophecy as an incredible component of the human psyche that influences our every day lives.

So how can "The Secret" be applied to your love life? In buying into this concept and advice smattered throughout the book, first, simply visualize what you want and see it abundantly. You need to think your way into its existence — you need to believe and be willing to receive — since one’s expectations are a powerful, attractive force. You can start this by creating your day in advance, beginning with your intention.

Then act, speak, and think positively as though you already have what you want. You can’t feel badly and have good thoughts at the same time. The law of attraction moves people, events, and circumstances for you to receive.

Finally, feel the way you will feel once you have your desire. Focus on the feelings of that “perfect” state. They will make you feel more than good, but you already knew that since that’s no secret.

In a nutshell, if you stay positive and believe you deserve mind-blowing sex, you will get it. Hopefully.

In the Know: The Latest Sex News …

— Thanks, but no thanks. Colorado has become the latest state to pass up federal funding for sex education programs that take the “abstinence-only” approach. The decision to reject $488,000 was made in light of the fact that such educational strategies have been found ineffective in preventing teen pregnancy and the spread of sexually transmitted diseases. A wave of states, including Virginia and Washington, have rejected abstinence-only funds from Washington, D.C., highlighting the need to support programs that are evidence-based more than anything.

— Watch out for those drunken male fruit flies! Researchers at Penn State University have found that daily alcohol consumption may increase male sexual arousal and decrease sexual inhibitions. In their study, fruit flies were given a daily dose of ethanol in an effort to mimic the drinking habits of alcoholics, with male fruit flies likelier to court males when under the influence. Funny enough, however, headliners on this study are leaving out that this study involved no more than fruit flies, giving readers the impression that it’s human males that feel more aroused and less inhibited when drinking — which many do … But let’s remember this experiments did use a fly model. It’s misleading to state anything otherwise.

— Britain tops in Europe, but the U.S. trumps overall in teen pregnancy rates. Despite a record number of school-age abortions, Britain now has the highest teen birth rate in Western Europe, six times that of Holland, four times that of Italy, and three times that of France. Yet, even though, the U.K. clocks in with almost 50,000 girls under 18 getting pregnant annually, the U.S. teen rate completely trumps that of the Brits with 420,000 U.S. teens expected to give birth this year.