FNC’s MacCallum and Doocy vs. O’Reilly

This is a partial transcript from "The O'Reilly Factor," April 23, 2007, that has been edited for clarity.

BILL O'REILLY, HOST: "Back of the Book" segment tonight. It is Monday, and that means the "Great American Culture Quiz", starring...

MARTHA MACCALLUM, FOX NEWS ANCHOR: Starring tonight.

O'REILLY: Martha MacCallum and Steve Doocy, who in the past have distinguished themselves at knowing absolutely useless information. That's why we have them here. You know, we had to go through the whole staff. Who knows more about useless stuff?

STEVE DOOCY, CO-HOST, "FOX & FRIENDS": Thank you.

O'REILLY: All right. Ready? Here is the new first question.

Elvis Presley met with President Nixon in a famous discussion to discuss what topic? A, Ann-Margaret; B, drug enforcement; C, rock lyrics; D, supporting the military.

Cards up. B and B. And that is correct. Drug enforcement. Elvis, under the influence of a powerful hallucinogenic...

DOOCY: Just like Martha.

MACCALLUM: Exactly.

O'REILLY: ... wanted to become a DEA agent. And Nixon had no idea who Elvis was.

DOOCY: Gave him a badge.

MACCALLUM: They did make him an unofficial agent, right?

O'REILLY: All right. Listen to this song from "Welcome Back, Kotter".

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

UNIDENTIFIED MALE (SINGING): Welcome back. Your dreams were your ticket out. Welcome back to that same old place that you laughed about.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

O'REILLY: Now, you should be glad you're not here, because Doocy was actually singing that. All right, now the singer, John Sebastian, of that song is associated with what rock group? Big Brother and the Holding Company, Loving Spoonful, Styx, Toto. What group is John Sebastian associated with?

Cards up, please. B and B. Correct, the Loving Spoonful. I don't think that was — was that a guess?

MACCALLUM: No.

O'REILLY: You know it?

MACCALLUM: How come when I get it right you think it's a guess?

O'REILLY: Just you looked very pensive.

DOOCY: It was her nickname in high school.

O'REILLY: Loving Spoonful? There you go.

MACCALLUM: We don't have to talk about that, do we?

O'REILLY: I would not — believe me, I would not take that from him. I would slap him silly right after this segment.

MACCALLUM: I will, I will.

O'REILLY: I thought that was a hard one. You both got it.

All right. No. 3, Vice President Walter Mondale also served as ambassador to what country? A, Japan; B, Great Britain; C, China; D, Burkina Faso. In which country did Walter Mondale serve as ambassador?

Cards up, please. Cards up, please. Correct. Arigato. Japan is the correct answer.

MACCALLUM: I thought it might be China. I knew it was either Japan or China. That's why I made...

O'REILLY: Three for three. A very tight race here, ladies and gentlemen. I hope you're doing as well at home as we are doing here. It's a bug right here. The bug gets union scale by flying into my mouth.

Actor George C. Scott won an Oscar — Doocy, do you want to please calm down? All right? We can easily get Kilmeade in here. All right? He's dying to do this.

All right. Here's the next question. Actor George C. Scott won an Oscar for portraying General George Patton.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

GEORGE S. PATTON, ACTOR: I want you to remember that no bastard ever won a war by dying for his country. He won it by making the other poor dumb bastard die for his country.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

O'REILLY: Well, how did the real General George Patton die? A, enemy fire; B, cancer; C, heart attack; D, auto accident. How did the real General George Patton expire?

Cards up, please. Doocy says D, so does MacCallum, that is correct. Auto accident. You guys are guessing tonight, though. You're guessing.

DOOCY: Yes.

O'REILLY: So far four for four. I'm getting embarrassed here. Next week I'll have to get into trigonometry.

MACCALLUM: I'm out on that one.

O'REILLY: Next question, Rosie O'Donnell — there she is; we all love her; you know that — played a character based on a cartoon in a film. Which character was it? A, the queen of hearts; B, Wilma Flintstone; C, Wonder Woman; D, Betty Rubble. Which character in the movies did Rosie O'Donnell play?

Cards up, please. You can't be looking at her.

DOOCY: I was looking over there.

O'REILLY: You can't be looking at her with the cards. You're cheating. That's true. That's true. She played Betty Rubble. All right.

MACCALLUM: Five for five.

O'REILLY: No way she could have...

DOOCY: Who was her husband in that movie?

O'REILLY: No way she could have gotten into the Wonder Woman costume.

MACCALLUM: Or Wilma. She has a very small waist.

O'REILLY: Is that right? Doesn't Wilma have that? How exactly do you know that?

MACCALLUM: She's like this.

O'REILLY: Is that right?

MACCALLUM: Actually, Betty was, too.

O'REILLY: I didn't really watch that program, Martha. I was watching the History Channel. Martha knows all about "The Flintstones".

MACCALLUM: I was watching "The Flintstones".

O'REILLY: Good for the FOX News anchors, to build their credibility, isn't it, Doocy?

All right, everybody. They got them all right. I'm embarrassed. Now next week I'm really going to — I'm going to have to be unfair. I have to be unfair. Everybody is getting it right, and we don't like that. We like failure on "The Factor", not success.

"The Great American Culture Quiz", everybody. Give them a hand.

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