Dennis Miller on Rosie, Rove and Couric

This is a partial transcript from "The O'Reilly Factor," April 25, 2007, that has been edited for clarity.

BILL O'REILLY, HOST: Thanks for staying with us. I'm Bill O'Reilly.

In the "Miller Time" segment tonight, I should pretty much just let Dennis wind up and go, because we have so much in play. As I was, Miller was talking about Rosie O'Donnell on his syndicated radio show today.

And how do you read this?

DENNIS MILLER, FOX NEWS CONTRIBUTOR: Well, top of the evening to you, Officer O'Reilly. I actually missed Rosie's announcement on "The View" today, because I was watching BBC coverage of Yeltsin's funeral. It was a beautiful affair in this huge cathedral over in Moscow. And they had Captain Morgan and the St. Pauli Girl did some eulogies. Then they released this huge flock of gray geese and wild turkeys into the air. Nobody does demise like the Russkies.

O'REILLY: I understand that they're putting his liver in the museum. Did you know that, over there?

MILLER: Liver actually delivered a eulogy, too.

But the Rosie situation. Well, listen I think it's a win-win-win when you think about it. I think that Barbara Walters got to protect her back end money. And you know, she guards that like Dikembe Mutombo on the defensive boards.

I think Rosie got out of this contract. Now she can go do a syndicated show and print money. And I wouldn't be surprised if her first guest is Donald Trump, because I think he understands the laws of commerce, too.

And I think Bob Iger at Disney, the ultimate CYA CEO gets off the hook here. He used Rosie to get himself back into orbit. Now he's able to jettison the unwieldy...

O'REILLY: Let me ask you a couple questions about this, though.

MILLER: All right.

O'REILLY: I think you are right in the sense that they all are relieved. I don't think any of them wanted to make the deal. As I said at the top of the program, O'Donnell wants 100 percent affirmation. You have to agree with her or she doesn't like you. And she knew that Walters was going crazy and that Disney was having a hard time with her.

But I don't believe, as you do, that she's going to get a big syndicated deal. I do not. I don't think a major corporation is going to drop a lot of guaranteed money into somebody who could come on and do literally anything, anything.

Because never in the history of broadcasting has, as I stated in the "Talking Points Memo", has one person been so demonstrably irresponsible on the air. And I don't think...

MILLER: Bill, what did you feel of the Matrix awards? What did you feel about the Matrix awards?

O'REILLY: It was — it was pretty gross. I mean, it was unnecessary. She knew by saying those things that a lot of people were going to be offended, including Barbara Walters. And why would you do that? Why would you — why would you use the crudities and the — you know, why? For what reason?

She's a different person than she was eight years ago, Dennis. It's not the Rosie O'Donnell of the syndicated show eight years ago. This isn't a new and not improved O'Donnell. This is — this is a woman being run by her demons. And I don't think anybody's going to drop guaranteed money into her lap.

MILLER: Well, I would be surprised. I think she had to do what she did at the Matrix Awards to disengage herself from the last tether with Iger, because I think Iger loves profits. But he realized that when she threw that up in front of the 17-year-olds he was going to have brand problems.

O'REILLY: Yes, I agree with you. She might have done it on purpose, but she's a pretty spiteful person. She really is.

All right. We got a couple of other things I want to talk to you about. Now we — nobody has video of the Sheryl Crow/Karl Rove dust-up at a dinner.

MILLER: No.

O'REILLY: So I stayed away from it, because she's sitting next to Laurie David. These are two left-wing activists, very environmentally conscious. And apparently, they said something to Rove, but I don't know what happened. So I really didn't do anything.

What do you think?

MILLER: Well, first off, I know both of those women and I actually consider them both to be friends. And I'm little surprised at Rove. I think that Mo Dowd at the New York Times is the agent provocateur. She gets him to come out and sit at her table. Karl, you're a square. You got to stay in the bubble, my friend.

So Rove is out there, acting like a hipster, and I'm sure Laurie came up and she pitches her case hard. And Sheryl is with her now. And if you disagree with people who believe in global warming now, it almost seems like it, ironically, gets very heated very quickly.

And I'm not sure if that's fascistic or fetishistic, but the simple fact is ever since Gore said that the debate is over, they almost broach no retort on your part.

I view this as a variation. Do you know the syndrome Munchausen by proxy disease, Bill?

O'REILLY: I've heard of it. I've heard of it. But it's far beyond my intellectual capacity, so explain it to us.

MILLER: Well, people — there are people who theorize that they make their children sick so they can then save their children. And I think some of the people who are really out on the far left as far as the global warming thing like to keep the planet in a perpetual state of triage, because then they are able to rescue it and feel integral to the process.

O'REILLY: OK.

MILLER: I think that might be what's going on here.

O'REILLY: I think Rove might not — just didn't like some of Sheryl's records. I think that's what it was all about.

MILLER: I think Rove was so mixed up as he sat there thinking, "I'm angry. She's beautiful. I'm horny. I don't know how to be." Then he just flipped out.

O'REILLY: Don't be doing the Rosie O'Donnell thing on me. OK, here Miller? Come on now.

All right. Now Katie Couric being undermined by her own people at CBS. Although, you know, this is sleazy stuff, because anybody at any time can call a television writer who — and the television writers in this country will assassinate you in a heartbeat based on nothing and say, "I don't like this one. This one's hitting me in the head with a board or whatever." I don't think it's fair to Couric.

How do you see it?

MILLER: Well, I hate to think that it's Schieffer. Because I've always thought of him as not quite a Murrow-esque probe. To think that he's out there hanging wash in the backyard gossiping across the fence seems a little odd to me.

But I will say this about Katie. Where she goes there's a Bobby Knight wake after her, between executive producers and associate producers. Sort of like being has Hoss Cartwright's girlfriend on "Bonanza", where they have you cough at the opening dinner table scene and then you're dead in the third act.

And you know, where Katie goes there's trouble that follows. Now, this Gail Shister woman at the "Philadelphia Inquirer", she's the one that broke this. And let me tell you the one thing about the story that bothered me the most, Bill. And if Katie succeeds, fine. If she doesn't, that's fine with me, too.

But the guy said the nadir of her tenure at CBS so far was on October 2 of last year in the immediate wake of the Amish school shooting, when they had a father on who lost a child at Columbine in the free speech segment. And he hinted that this might have occurred due to the fact that Darwinism was now being taught in our public school — in our school system.

And they immediately started to take apart the free speech thing right after he said that. And I saw a CBS insider in the Shister article say there's free speech, but sometimes that's not responsible speech. And I thought a free speech segment and you're deeming what's free?

O'REILLY: That was not good what happened over there. But you see, I couldn't get beyond Hoss Cartwright's girlfriend, Dennis. Once you said that I just was trying to picture it. But I just couldn't.

All right. Dennis Miller everybody.

MILLER: Whenever Hoss had a girlfriend, she had to die. That was the way it is.

O'REILLY: I guess so out in the prairie. Dennis Miller, everybody. Give him a round of applause.

Watch "The O'Reilly Factor" weeknights at 8 p.m. and 11 p.m. ET and listen to the "Radio Factor!"

Copy: Content and Programming Copyright 2007 Fox News Network, LLC. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. Transcription Copyright 2007 Voxant, Inc. (www.voxant.com), which takes sole responsibility for the accuracy of the transcription. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. No license is granted to the user of this material except for the user's personal or internal use and, in such case, only one copy may be printed, nor shall user use any material for commercial purposes or in any fashion that may infringe upon Fox News Network, LLC'S and Voxant, Inc.'s copyrights or other proprietary rights or interests in the material. This is not a legal transcript for purposes of litigation.