Gutfeld on 3D printed steaks
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We at "The Five" love a good cooking segment.
It's the dinner hour, after all, and who doesn't love a delicious, mouthwatering steak!
Like one being lovingly prepared...by a 3D printer.
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MARINES AT CAMP PENDLETON 3D-PRINT A CONCRETE BRIDGE IN 3 DAYS
Yeah - the chef is basically a fax machine with a nozzle.
Worse: this is a vegan steak – no, it’s not made of vegans - the ink from its cartridge is made from rice, peas and yes, seaweed.
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Yea, seaweed. Scrumptelicious.
Who needs a cow when you can have a beefy ribeye made by the same thing that prints your expense reports?
The fake meat comes from a company in Spain. It takes 10 minutes to print, two minutes to cook … one minute to vomit.
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I have a better idea. Instead of 3D printing a steak … 3D print a cow.
But – it’s better for the environment!
And as you know - that takes priority over real joy, great taste, or human need.
The makers claim that this thing not only looks like steak, but has the same nutritional value and consistency.
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Meaning they're lying. Because …
If that thing looks like steak, I look like Brad Pitt.
If that looks like steak, I've got a pair of old flip flops that look like steak too.
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Yeah, it’s a lie. A lie meant to help the planet. It’s like how they lie about other failed promises.
Solar power. Windmills. Socialism.
Things that we are told would work -- but can only exist as long as they leech off the actual good stuff.
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I have a better idea. Instead of 3D printing a steak … 3D print a cow.
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Then kill it and make steaks from it.
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I am really wasting my talents here.
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Adapted from Greg Gutfeld's monologue on "The Five" on March 4, 2019.