Greg Gutfeld: War needs an ending or it won't end

Good news on the COVID front: in Austria, a brothel promises 30 minutes of VIP treatment in a sauna with the sex worker of your choice, in exchange for the customer getting the vaccine. Not included: all the shots you’ll need after.

Meanwhile, over here we get a juice box and graham crackers – no happy ending there. But the point is this – this is what you see when you're on a war footing. And everyone wants to reward the troops. And we are the troops. Instead of shooting though, we get the shots. Which makes it tough to see when this is gunna end. Even the New York Times is asking if it’s time to start moving back to normalcy.

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As they say, COVID now presents the sort of risk to most vaccinated people that we unthinkingly accept in other parts of life – like driving, swimming, or eating at Arby’s.  But there isn't gunna be a day when we wake up to headlines proclaiming that COVID is defeated. But that’s the thing about war- it needs an ending or it won’t end.

Here’s a question: what do the pandemic, Afghanistan and the drug crisis have in common? They are all seen through the war filter. We have a war on drugs, we had a war in Afghanistan and of course a war against a virus. And they all show us - that unless you have a declaration of surrender from the other side, we never declare victory. It can keep going on forever - even though - to everyone - it feels over. Just like The Daily Show.

We are really bad at stopping wars cuz we are too scared to say when we are done. The drug war is a disaster, and goes on forever. The Afghanistan war was our longest, and we ended up worse than we started – thanks Joe. And now we have bureaucrats who keep moving our COVID goal posts, based on a refusal to accept any risk, no matter how low it is.

Meanwhile we chip away at our freedoms under an authoritarian state, where citizens are deputized to narc on each other. Which enables the war to continue. And allows the people in power to keep flexing like they’re Chris Cuomo on chest day.

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And the war machine is now the pharma machine.  Follow the money and you see that declaring victory hurts a lot of bottom lines. Which is why I’m going to Austria for a few weeks. 

If anything, to lend a helping hand. Everything, for the war effort.

This article is adapted from Greg Gutfeld's opening monologue on the November 12, 2021 edition of "Gutfeld!"