GREG GUTFELD: Twitter's 'previous reigning champion' is back

Happy Monday, everyone. These people are crazy. Wow. I hope you had a good weekend. I spent mine, like I always do, shooting rats with my B.B. gun in Kat's office. Oh, but that ranks pretty low on the most interesting thing to happen over the past few days. And I think you know what I'm talking about. 

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NARRATOR: He's back. Alright.

True. It's true. Elon Musk has reinstated Donald Trump's Twitter account. He was unsuspended like my pants when I used to dance at Chippendales. That's after Musk posted a poll in which over 15 million users voted in favor of reinstatement. Of course, we're still waiting on the results of that poll from Maricopa County. The final result, 51.8% in favor, 48.2% opposed. Which is the same ratio of people at Fox who voted that I should come to work topless. Oh yeah. I edged out Trey Gowdy by a couple of points.

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On Saturday, Musk tweeted, The people have spoken. Trump will be reinstated. Vox Populi, Vox Dei. I think that last part is Latin for "F-U, you whiny losers." It actually means the voice of the people is the voice of God. Whoever heard that never heard Joy Behar on the toilet. Just think about it. Now, it's been a while since Trump's been on Twitter. It's been so long that Tom Brady is divorced, Kanye is no longer a billionaire and Ilhan Omar is now shaving her mustache three times a week. Don't clap for that. That's disgusting. I disown that. Oh, brother.

He was banned on January 8th, 2021. Do you remember why? I sure don't. I remember him saying "March peacefully to the Capitol." But earlier in the day, Trump didn't seem too excited to return. I bet he heard we're getting a big vote to also go back on Twitter. 

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DONALD TRUMP: But here we're getting a big vote to also go back on Twitter. I don't see it because I don't see any reason for it. True Social is through the roof. It's doing phenomenally well.

Still, Musk's decision on Trump sets the stage for the return of the platform's most influential user since Michael Moore's fingers got too fat. Wow. And of course, right on cue, the media, politicians and celebs already freaking out. From a New York Times op ed, quote, "I studied Trump's Twitter use for six years. Prepare for the worst." So that's what they do instead of verifying Hunters laptop. But anyone who has studied Trump's tweets for six years is, to borrow a Trump phrase, a loser. I mean, that person is living life at a breakneck pace. I imagine he or she hasn't had sex without requiring AA batteries in years.

Then there's rock star Jack White deactivating his record label account. In an absurdly long Instagram post, he compared Trump to the KKK, a hate group that did to Blacks what Jack White's last album did to everyone's ears. Trust me, and I'm a fan. Then there was the panic vomit from the dopes on cable.

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MSNBC REPORTER 1: Anyone who woke up this morning and saw that news had an avalanche of dread hit them.

MSNBC REPORTER 2: I'm absolutely disgusted. But what else do we expect from very white, privileged, cis hetero men protecting each other?

MAXINE WATERS: He's going to politicize it. He's going to use it. And all of those domestic terrorists that he's leading will have a voice. 

MSNBC REPORTER 3: Should we pray for Twitter to just collapse?  

ABC NEWS REPORTER: It just underscores the the erratic leadership of Twitter now under Musk, but also the security concerns with security people fleeing Twitter and what that means for the protection of Americans' private data.

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That guy's more full of crap than Jerry Nadler's pants. But his reaction was what many echoed and you're likely to keep hearing. That Musk's leadership puts data at risk. And it's not just from individuals, even entire networks who you might expect would welcome more speech no matter who it's from. I mean, CBS now cares about your privacy. The network that pioneered ambush journalism with "60 Minutes." Late Friday, they shut down their various accounts in what they called, quote, "In light of the uncertainty around Twitter and out of an abundance of caution." An abundance of caution. What *********.

I mean, that's what the legacy media is known for, being overly cautious before they put something out there to the public. Where should we start? You ********. Russiagate. Whipgate. The fine people hoax. Hunter's laptop as Russian disinfo. When it suits them, the networks jumped the gun more often than a sprinter on meth. But by Sunday morning, CBS came back, saying they'll "continue to monitor the situation."

In response, Elon posted this "Brokeback Mountain" meme with the caption "Our love will never die." He also tweeted this to CBS. "They should bring Walter Cronkite back." As you know, Walter Cronkite is dead. So it's not possible, but it's funny. So the current funniest dude on Twitter, Musk, has just brought back the previous reigning champion, Trump. 

And we should embrace it because it's pissing off people who would love to ban things they don't want to hear rather than counter it with more speech. And they're also the same people who express more alarm over tweets than rampant crime, soaring inflation, or being on the cusp of a world war. In short, they're very selfish people. For they happily accept the current F'd presidency because it doesn't affect their fragile psyche. And due to their wealth and high status, they can endure the cost. Sure, everyone's paying more for food and some people never make it home from work. But at least these losers, you know, they don't wake up at night having to think of Trump. Ah, too bad it's over.