Greg Gutfeld: Don't buy media's contrition over the Hunter Biden story
The media never admits to anything unless they are planning something worse
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What happens when someone admits to wrongdoing years after the wrongdoing has been committed?
For me, it was getting the Menudo tattoo removed.
But I wonder, does a confession happen because the guilt became too much? Or did they realize their confession no longer carries any real consequence?
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They get to have their cake and eat it, too. Or, in Brian Stelter's case, two cakes and a bucket of corn dogs. So easy, so cheap, but so true.
HUNTER BIDEN SAGA: WASHINGTON POST AUTHENTICATES LAPTOP AFTER DISMISSING ‘FAKE’ SCANDAL IN 2020
I speak of this tsunami of people now admitting the media covered up Hunter Biden's laptop nearly two years later with Joe as president. People are starting to admit what we knew all along
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BILL MAHER: And he said ne'er-do-well. I'm sorry, Hunter Biden, but you are and you know, you're made a living being a ne'er-do-well who was taking money just because you were the vice president's son and you had influence. He got, I think, $4.8 million from Chinese energy companies. It looks like the left wing. Maybe it just buried this story because it wasn't part of their narrative, and that's why people don't trust the media.
It looks like it.
It's also like he's, dare I say, woke, but in a good way.
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Credit to Maher. When he's right, he's right.
Anyway, it's not just Bill. Even The Washington Post is owning up. They claim the Hunter story is an opportunity for reckoning while finally reporting on the multimillion dollar deals the president's son was making with the Chinese.
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And that doesn't even include the millions that he spent on hookers or kung pao chicken. If Hunter worked any harder for the Chinese, he'd spent his weekends sowing Nike's.
Hunter Biden ((Randy Holmes via Getty Images))
The Post admits the Biden family profited from trading overseas of his name. They say it doesn't mean Joe acted corruptly.
You know, it's like corrupt people can't see corruption in other people, even when it's their job to do so and tell us about it.
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And if his ne'er-do-well, son suddenly earning millions is something he wouldn't notice, like the growing stain on the front of his trousers.
But then the Post asked the dumbest question of the year: Why is confirmation of a story that surfaced in the fall of 2020 emerging only now?
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Well gee-whiz post. Why don't you ask your own news bureau?
The press asking why the story is only emerging now, that's like OJ Simpson asking what happened to his ex-wife Nicole or Scott Peterson putting up missing posters of his wife all around the neighborhood. Your hands were all over this.
The Washington Post then noted that after the New York Post published the blockbuster piece "Twitter blocked its story altogether … and suspended The New York Post’s account for sharing it; Facebook downranked the story in the algorithms that govern users’ news feeds."
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Well, thanks, guys. We already knew this. There was a disinformation campaign, all right. But the culprits weren't chugging vodka in Moscow. They were sipping lattes in Silicon Valley.
But now, The Washington Post and the New York Times have vouched for many of the emails and cite the prompted allegations of a cover up or at best, a double standard in the treatment of conservative and liberal politicians by mainstream media and social media sites.
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Well, hello there, sleepy heads. Did you have a nice nap?
Hunter Biden (Photo by Teresa Kroeger)
Of course, WaPo then offers a lame defense, saying we'd all been "unwitting tools" of Russian influence. So it was "only prudent to suspect a similar plot here."
But these editors weren't unwitting. They were just a bunch of tools because I don't remember them being prudent about those other phony plots.
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They were only printed about one real one, and they conclude with this solemn idiocy "The lesson learned from 2016 was the air on the side of setting aside questionable material in the heat of a political campaign. The lesson learned from 2020 may well be that there's also a danger of suppressing accurate and relevant stories."
So you see what they did there was important to bury it then, but it's not to bury it now, which means it's time for:
Break Super Deluxe double whammy conspiracy theory with 90% more conspiracy and also 40% more tinfoil and a drop of retsyn.
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Ah, the retsyn gets you.
So the media admits to the laptop now and not then. Why? Well, the Democrats already got in and they won. It's like paying a small fine for behavior that earned you millions.
Sure, paying it sucks, but it still means you got the millions in the first place.
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Although with Biden inflation, that's now worth only thousands.
But could it be that the media knows indictments are coming down? So why not speed it up? Get it over with. Away from 2024, while Joe is still in power, so it's easy for him to pardon his son and maybe his brother, before Joe is wheeled off on a two wheeled hand truck like Hannibal Lecter.
Then the Dems can replace him with a candidate who doesn't need a cheat sheet to tell you his name and address so they suppress to win an election that confess to win another. I wonder what Joe has to say.
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SATIRE JOE BIDEN: No, no, no. Come on, man. Look, there's no lying anymore. It's just we updated you, that’s all. We said the story wasn't true. Now we say it's true. We updated it. That's all. It's like an old phone or computer. You've got to give it an update or in your house. You do a makeover. You've got to update it. This works great, man. Like when I said that Putin needed to be removed from power. No, no someone else came out. They said, no, they gave an update. That's not true. And then you asked me about I said, No, you got to go by the update. This update thing, I love it. It works great. You know what else I love? Ice cream.
So go ahead and laugh, but the joke's on us.
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We knew the laptop was real but were punished for saying it and not the good kind of punishment that involves a safe word.
So don't buy this act of contrition. The media never admits to anything unless they're planning to do something worse.
This article was adapted from Greg Gutfeld's opening commentary on the April 4, 2022 edition of "Gutfeld!"