Greg Gutfeld: Joe Biden is unifying the country in disapproval of him

Joe Biden's popularity is like his teeth at night – underwater. If he sunk any deeper, he'd have crabs, because he'd be in the sea. That's where the crabs live. Get your mind out of the gutter. 

His approval rating is at 39%, even after the Roe vs. Wade leak, which was designed to breathe life into his unconscious presidency. It was one Biden leak that didn't demand a change of pants. 

It still didn't work. In fact, thanks to idiots heading to the justices’ houses like they were invited to a barbecue, it quickly turned into a freak show. But with more bearded ladies. Underrated, by the way. 

GREG GUTFELD: THE PARODIES WE'VE CREATED ARE NOW REAL

When you saw the protests, you probably like me, wish their mommies had been as pro-abortion as their offspring. Why not? That's how you support them. You also were reminded that pro-choice doesn't always mean choosing soap and water. 

The worst stat of all, this jaw dropping one from NBC News, 75% of the population thinks this country is going in the wrong direction. That's astounding. You couldn't get more agreement from a room of children if you yelled "who wants ice cream and no homework?"

Meanwhile, 16% think the country is headed in the right direction. Which raises the question, who the hell is this 16%? Just as I suspected, a CNN production meeting. 

So we live in polarizing times, we're told, and the polarization is driven by the media that does all it can to keep us at each other's throats. They see everything through the lens of identity politics and everywhere they look, except in the mirror, is proof of racism. 

I thought that would destroy America, but instead it's destroying the Democratic party and places like CNN and MSNBC. They're losing viewers. And it's created unity, a near unanimous belief that the country is going in the wrong direction. 

So, congrats to sleepy Joe for bringing the country together on something other than a desire to take away his car keys. 

When you have nearly 80% saying we're going off a cliff, that's not polarization. That's a realization that we're heading no place good. Seriously, when your car is barreling toward the Grand Canyon, you don't argue about changing the radio station. Well, unless it's playing Maroon Five, then you might speed up. 

See, the party in charge suffers from a weird flaw. It's a lack of imagination -- they can't see ahead of themselves. The problems we experience are obvious, high crime, high inflation, high illegal immigration. And yet these problems don't exist until they become political ones. They simply do not exist until they create a risk for losing power. But then it's too late, so they scream racism. 

What does this do to the party in power? 

Well, it makes them ill-equipped to prevent, or solve, an actual problem. Those muscles have atrophied from disuse. Take crime, apparently it doesn't exist until it affects polling or their own personal safety, not yours. Then the Democratic Party acts like my stomach when I have dairy. Once you do it, you no longer have time to deal with it. It's disgusting.

Their goal is to win elections, not to stop crime. Shouting "defund the police" can win big city voters. But what do you tell the same voters after the election when their neighborhood is burning like that rash I got from sharing Jesse's gym towel. 

As long as the election is far away, then crime can continue. Anything bad to continue. The Dems being in the majority. Joe's Presidency. The Seth Meyers Show. He's on late night if you don't know who he is. 

And then suddenly, as the midterms loom, they panic. Crime matters. So does gas prices. So does getting food on the table. Then they mimic Republicans. Hey, we're anticrime, too. We need more cops. 

They're like the mobbed-up guy who breaks all the windows in your neighborhood and then just happens to be the owner of the new glass shop that opens around the corner. 

You get this because you're not a politician. You have a real job. When faced with a problem that needs fixing, you fix it right away because you have a boss. You have deadlines, job reviews and pride. 

You don't have the luxury of a political machine that makes sure you can keep your job every two or every four years. For Democrats, they only work when they are campaigning. And winning an election is a reminder that it's time to relax and do nothing. Just when you roll up your sleeves, they roll theirs back down. What's Joe got to say? 

STAFFER IMITATING BIDEN: No, no, no, no. Look, look. 39, this numbers aren't so bad. I mean, the you know, that guy, Brandon, you got to remember, Brandon's probably got a 35 approval, and then you got to remember I'm Brandon. All right. All that stuff. Let's go, Brandon. Let's go. Brady, you got to give that number to me. So 39 and you know, Brandon, so we're up and about 74 and and then 10% for the big guy and we're over 80. Come on, man. Yes. 

I suppose this is why Trump came across so unusually. He was always in campaign mode, or what we would call work mode almost all the time. He entered the job to work and what a novel concept that was, a politician elected by the people working tirelessly for the people who elected him. No wonder all the lazy bastards hated him.