Greg Gutfeld: 'Health' is a trick to make your rights disappear

So here's some fun news. And by fun, I mean awful. 

Did you know that the CDC bought location data taken from tens of millions of U.S. phones in order to check compliance with curfews and tracked people going to and from places?

And I just found out the hard way. 

The CDC called me and asked me why I was standing outside Judge Jeanine’s bedroom window. And frankly, it ruined the mood. 

GREG GUTFELD: THE ELITES EXPECT EVERYONE TO FALL IN LINE

So because they aren't allowed to spy on us, the government gets companies to do it for them, just like censorship. 

Location data is info on your phone's location, obviously, which can also show you where a person lives and works or where they go after work. Which in Kat's case, is here. That's actually her book club. 

Now, maybe this is harmless. They just want the data to fight the spread of disease. It's all in the name of health, of course. Just like gain of function research. Boy, did that turn out great. 

Of course, yesterday, these same officials once again advised Americans to wear masks on planes, trains and buses or in Tyrus’s case, Zeppelins. They cite future viral trends for the recommendation, but they always cite the future. 

The problem is, when you do that, it's never to undo something, but to keep doing something forever. Citing the future and all its risks means recommendations never, ever really go away. And it's not like all that tracking ever helped anyone. 

STAFFER 1: Oh, hey! My purse! 

STAFFER 2 Oh, my goodness. I saw the whole thing. 

STAFFER 1: Oh, can you help me? 

STAFFER 2: Actually, yes, I'm with the CDC. You know, I've been tracking you for a long time. Just making sure you're keeping up with our latest guidelines. Lovely bedroom, by the way. 

STAFFER 1: You put cameras in my house!? 

STAFFER 2: Whoa, whoa. Excuse me. No. Okay. Your cameras were already in your house. I just happened to access them. And can you tell me why exactly you weren't wearing a mask in the shower this morning? 

STAFFER 1: Oh, my God. Everything was in my purse! Okay. My wallet, my keys, my phone. 

STAFFER 2: Wait, your phone? Damn it. How am I going to track you now? I guess I'm about to go after this guy. Oh, my goodness. He's already in your shower. 

Nice. So. It goes back to classism. The government and media know they don't have to follow the rules, but everyone who waits on them will. The best vaccine passport – be a Clinton. We see it everywhere. The masked serving, the unmasked. It's like that sunny sentiment we heard a few weeks ago.

SUNNY HOSTIN: I don't want to get on a plane with superspreaders. I don't want to get on a plane with 214 other people that are going to be breathing on me with their COVID breath. I don't want it. I don’t want it, I want the masks. 

They finally found someone who can make Joy Behar look intelligent. 

You know, being known as the dumb one on "The View" is like being kicked out of Guns N Roses because you did too many drugs. Think about it. 

So the media worries more about you than they worry about themselves, because they think they're better than you. 

A number of the press, despite being fully vaxed, ended up with COVID at the White House Correspondents dinner. It could be COVID, or maybe it was James Corden's terrible skit that made them so sick. We wish them all a speedy recovery so they can get back to doing what they do best, writing retractions. 

But you see how their own dire warnings that were meant to scare you didn't scare them from eating rubber chicken in a rented tux. By the way, someone should be tracking rented tuxedos. Talk about gross. I remember getting lice on prom night, and it wasn't from my date for once. It was from the top hat. Not to mention the loose condom I found in my cummerbund. 

But you could see the room. They were packed tighter than Lizzo in a wetsuit. If that were a Trump rally, there would be hell to pay. 

So what do all these stories have in common? The tracking, the masks, the media exemptions? Honest, hardworking people are basically told you can't breathe the same air as us. And if you want to free yourself from being forced to do something, you have to become the person who does the forcing. That's government. 

That's how liars get jobs at the Ministry of Truth. And it's all in the name of that magic, single word "health." 

It's a trick to make your rights disappear. It's why the media tries to make gun rights a health issue by calling it gun violence. It's also why they track you, but not others. 

Recidivist criminals can commit a violent crime. They get released only to commit another. There's no tracking there. Ankle monitors don't work because they're easier to get off than Jeffrey Toobin during a Zoom call. Those will never get old. Yeah, I know. It's an old joke, but I can't stop. 

We also don't track them even when we let them out of jail due to health reasons. How come we don't put them back in jail for health reasons? My health prefers that I not be pushed off a subway platform. 

Maybe track the people in those smash and grab robberies, they’re stashing that 2000 Mennen speed stick somewhere. I miss those. 

How about the hundreds of thousands of illegal aliens entering the country? Amazingly, in only five semis. We don't know where they went. When I go up Sixth Avenue, I can easily count the homeless. They're all wearing CNN plus t-shirts. Yeah. I hope CNN never goes away. 

So who's tracking that? The homeless. Apparently no one. Or else they’d do something for them. The bottom line, the only people being tracked is us. So maybe I'll go back to wearing a mask just so they can't recognize me. Even better, I'll steal them from Walgreens.