GREG GUTFELD: The Democrats never let a crisis go to waste

Happy Monday. Happy Halloween, apparently. I wouldn't know. I don't care.

So by now, you heard about the attack on Paul Pelosi. A suspect is in custody. Apparently, he was a homeless illegal alien. He lived in an old yellow school bus. No truth to the rumor, it was Danny Partridge. But don't knock a yellow school bus. We know how wonderful those things are.

[VIDEO]

KAMALA HARRIS: Who doesn't love a yellow school bus, right? Can you raise your hand if you love a yellow school bus, right? There's something about the and most of us, many of us, went to school on the yellow school bus, right? And it's part of it's part of our experience growing up.

Hmm, so true. She loved school buses almost as much as she loves Venn diagrams. Meanwhile, in the media, you have Dems and talking heads - like there's any difference - desperately trying to make this about right-wing hate. Like people on the Right were always saying, "Hey, you got to go attack Nancy's husband with a hammer and don't wear pants."

[VIDEO]

KARINE-JEAN PIERRE: He was yelling out the things that we heard during January 6, which is, "Where is Nancy?"

MSNBC REPORTER: That's what the intruders going through the hallways on January 6 were shouting. "Nancy, Nancy." This is part of the January 6 insurrection.

AMY KLOBUCHAR: This has been going on for years. The attacks on her and this group of MAGA extremists have been not ending when Donald Trump left office.

Yes, this is part of January 1st. It's MAGA extremists behind this because they always attract illegal alien nudists who live in school buses who think they're Jesus Christ. ******* hell. Of course, the media can't be dumb enough to blame this on campaign ads, right? 

[VIDEO]

MARGARET BRENNAN: Looking at your candidates, Republican candidates have spent more than $116 million on ads that mention Speaker Pelosi by name in this cycle. If this is about the issues, why don't you make it about the issues? Why not depersonalize it? In this moment, we are eight days out. Don't you think this needs to change? Why not pull some of these ads? Why not just delete your tweet?

Why not delete your brain? Oh, you should stop the ads just eight days out. How? What a coincidence that you would use this for that suggestion. Do these people think before they say anything? Margaret, when will CBS personalize their content? Maybe start with "Young Sheldon." Whatever that is. I don't know what that is. Or how about Colbert, who's done nothing but say uncivil stuff about Republicans? How many attacks did he cause? But see, I would never suggest that because I'm not a ******* idiot.

GREG GUTFELD: MILLENIALS MASQUERADE ‘JUST TO FIT IN’

All right. I'm sorry. I haven't had a lot of sleep. I got a puppy, and I'm just, I'm not. I'm not awake. But the people freaking out, of course, never did so after Scalise got shot, Brett Kavanaugh was almost assassinated, Lee Zeldin was attacked, a Trump supporter was run down and murdered. And remember how many jokes were made about Rand Paul getting his ribs broken? Ha ha ha. Those attacks disappeared, just like Jon Stewart and phone cards.

Yeah, it's the Republicans that they call Nazis who are causing a lack of civility. But I get it, anything for an election. And the Dems are losing, which means some might have to get real jobs. And Democrats hate jobs. But remember, never let a crisis go to waste, even if it's someone's dented skull. That's why even with COVID, the Dems are forgiving student loans. See, nothing is ever connected. It's just exploited. But even without an election, they'd probably do the same damn thing. They cherry pick the psycho's political positions to pretend he's conservative like Liz Cheney used to do. What? Did he compare her to him? Yeah, I hope so. I hope you think that, you idiot.

Meanwhile, Republicans focus on crime. Home invasions are up, as are murders, rapes and robberies. And in places where politicians advocated defunding the cops. We can call that a political take too. Except this one is rooted in reality. I suppose Republicans could have made up stuff as well. Like there was a wooden gavel found at the scene with chocolate Haagen-Dazs ice cream on the handle. But they didn't. And so the media screeches, like Kamala having her feet tickled.

"How dare you bring up violent crime?" Even after a violent crime is committed, right? If you righties continue this fact-based ****, we're going to smack all of you with hammers. So you're only supposed to talk up violent crime for fake violent crimes. So there are lessons here, but politicians in the media, they aren't interested. It's about only political outcomes. Last week it was pretending John Fetterman's brain worked. Now, it's the Pelosi attack was MAGA, January 6 and hate speech.

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It's a constant threat because it's code for criticizing Democrats. But as long as they win in November, then nothing ever needs fixing. And that's why the criminally deranged are still on the street. That's why this happened. There's nowhere for the mentally ill to go. Bottom line, if Pelosi had just been another victim, who knows that they'd even give a damn at all about this? If it was just an Asian lady, we'd likely be told beating people with a hammer is a misdemeanor. And the media helps by amplifying the fake origin to avoid the real one, which is the mental health crisis which goes ignored like Joy Behar's sex strike. 

California's state logo should be a bear and a straitjacket. And with all the homeless in camp, it's their new state motto should be "The Golden Shower State." Their state bird, a $1.7 million toilet. I know it's not a bird, but they don't have a state appliance.

So the suspect was a homeless psychotic like tens of thousands on the streets. And they're a danger to you. But now also to politicians' spouses. The things that happen to everyone else finally happen to someone who matters. The husband of the speaker, he's not a cop, a retiree or a student. He's rich and powerful. And if they throw the book at the suspect, they sure as hell better do the same for every other felon, because this is a crime and it's time for punishment. And not just for the important victims, but for everyone.

But with Dems, will they care? The perp already served a purpose. He gave Biden something to talk about between lying about gas prices and lying that he was raised by Puerto Ricans. So a mentally deranged drug abuse naked nutbag finds his way into the Pelosi home and the media stops at one talking point, which is their idea of investigative reporting. But like so many crime victims, Paul and Nancy may never be the same. Maybe it's time to move to Florida.