GREG GUTFELD: 'Bombshell revelation' shows DHS Secretary Mayorkas knowingly smeared border agents

Happy glorious, glorious Thursday. Wow, what a crowd, huh? A glorious crowd. What a week for crooks, schemers and liars, otherwise known as Democrats. That was cheap and I apologize. Not really. But it's part of a new segment I like to call.

ANNOUNCER: These are terrible people, who suck.

Thank you. That was created by my nephew Alan for his art class. They like to keep the inmates busy. He'll be out in three years. So first, during questioning by special counsel John Durham on Tuesday, an FBI analysts claims the FBI offered ex-British agent Christopher Steele a million bucks if he could corroborate the allegations against candidate Trump that were made in the dossier back in 2016. Now talk about creating an incentive to lie. Offering seven figures for pee-tape. Hell, I could have made one for him, for 500 bucks, in the Fox News men's room, or best offer. Neil Cavuto owes me a favor. Plus, he looks good in a wig and could do a Russian accent. But why so much money? Could it be that Steele would need part of that money to pay the corroborators, he gets paid, perhaps to pay off witnesses? It's entirely possible. 

BIDEN ADMIN TO "REASSESS" RELATIONSHIP WITH SAUDI ARABIA, BUT NOT CHINA

At any rate, the whole thing is seedier than a pumpkin carving contest. Perhaps if the Republicans had done this, the media might care. Meanwhile, President Biden said Tuesday there will be consequences for the Saudis not delaying the cut in oil production until days before the midterms in order to help the Dems. And they said Trump was damaging relationships with our allies. Remember when he told Germany to get off Russian energy? Now he looks like a psychic while Biden looks like Milton Berle's corpse. But as you know, the Saudis told Joe to stuff it. And now Dems are introducing legislation that would pause all arms sales to the Saudis for a year. Meanwhile, I'd like to introduce my foot to all the Dems' asses. 

So the Biden White House is punishing an ally because they didn't help him politically. Isn't this what they impeached Trump for? With that perfect phone call, yeah. There's that, I'll take it. There's that golden rule again, whatever the Dems accuse you of, you can bet they're already doing it. It also shows that Biden really didn't care about Americans paying more for gas, to him, it's about politics, because at this rate his party is going to lose more seats than a patio furniture store during a Category Five. But if the Republicans had done this, perhaps the media might care. 

Then there's that chrome domed gremlin, DHS honcho Alejandro Mayorkas, he opposes using the term alien because he looks like one. True, are we sure he's not from outer space? I bet his wife's name is Mindy. Thank you. Yeah, that's right in our audience's wheelhouse, sitcoms from the seventies. In a bombshell revelation, Mayorkas's own staff told him that reports of border agents whipping migrants were false before he went to the White House, and yet he went ahead anyway and publicly smeared his own agents as racists. Just hours after being told the officers were innocent, he said this.

MAYORKAS "WHIPGATE" BOMBSHELL LIKELY TO WORSEN RELATIONS BETWEEN DHS SECRETARY, BORDER AGENTS

ALEJANDRO MAYORKAS: Our entire nation saw horrifying images that do not reflect who we are... We know that those images painfully conjured up the worst elements of our nation's ongoing battle against systemic racism.

Hey ***-wipe, we know who we are, it's not who you are, a lying, backstabbing, power hungry, finger pointing dirtbag who would sell out his own mom at the drop of a hat. He's a scumbag. I know, that could be defamation. I probably shouldn't say that because I don't want scumbags to sue me. 

But he let his agents twist in the wind for some political advantage, perhaps to shift the media spotlight away from his disastrous leadership to the agents' fabricated racist behavior. And the media bought it, even though it's pretty hard to use a whip while you're on a fast moving horse, you'd end up whipping yourself. Like when Hemmer and I roleplay, sorry. And even after it was obvious they were wrongly accused, he promised there would be an investigation. And there was, it took a year and though it cleared the agents, they still face punishment for other so-called violations. And what would those be, doing their job amid the border chaos caused by this White House, failing to wash the mud off their uniforms after a hard day's work, using the wrong pronoun when addressing the horse? I think it's nay. I don't know. The worst part, Mayorkas was clearly unfair on purpose and as you know, that's the media's job. So what does all this corruption have in common? 

MAYORKAS ALERTED THAT NO HAITIAN MIGRANTS WERE ‘WHIPPED’ HOURS BEFORE WH PRESS CONFERENCE

Well, it's Democrats doing the dirty deeds and they're doing it all in plain sight. And you can only do that if you have help, a protective big brother, or a big sister, or a big brother who was once your big sister. Have I covered all the new ---- categories? And that's the media, who turn off their cameras and close their notebooks whenever Democrats scheme. You could argue they're the real scum, because without them, the political scum wouldn't have cover. 

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But in a just world, the people who push the Steele dossier would be occupying the very cells that a lot of the January 6 protesters are occupying right now. Biden would be impeached for trying to get the Saudis to help the Democrats or the 25th Amendment would put him in a nursing home. Hopefully one not being run by Andrew Cuomo, but, and finally Mayorkas would be tarred and feathered, which isn't too bad for him, since he can still get work as an ostrich.