4 powerful life lessons from an unforgettable teacher still guide me today

One of the most influential people in my life was and still is Joe Stokes. I remember the first time I walked into the classroom at the Washington Carver Elementary School in Muncie, Indiana, and saw the White teacher with a head full of red hair. It might have been the first time I ever saw red hair. I called him Mr. Stokes and I had no idea how influential he would eventually become in my life.

He recently reached out to me recently because he had seen me in the news and on social media. It was like no time had passed and his words instantly lifted my spirits. 

He told me, "You make sense because you seek individual power and security for each person. We need to work together, but power hungry politicians don’t like what you bring. You don’t teach them to be dependent on them." He went on to say a prayer for me.

In today’s absurd culture wars, all I could think about was how thankful I had Mr. Stokes as my teacher. We hear all these bad ideas about how Black kids should be taught by Black teachers and I am thankful I grew up in a time when we did not pay attention to such nonsense.

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The power that Mr. Stokes had was that he connected with me. I was raised by a single mother and I had many uncles who were influential figures in my life. What I needed at that time was a teacher, someone who could connect with me and inspire me to be a good student.

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The first two things I noticed about him were that he was a great dodgeball player and a mediocre basketball player though he loved to play with us. When he took us camping he ate fried worms in front of us. Then he would have us play "Snipe Hunt," the classic fake camping game where we were led to believe that the Snipe was a real animal that must be caught. We always ended up laughing with the innocent kids who would eventually realize that the Snipe didn’t exist.

I was raised by a single mother and I had many uncles who were influential figures in my life. What I needed at that time was a teacher, someone who could connect with me and inspire me to be a good student.

Mr. Stokes bonded with us as a teacher, as a human, and we all loved him. I know that it was this bond that allowed him to slip in larger life lessons that have shaped my life to this day. There are four of them.

1. The first lesson was the power of perseverance

Mr. Stokes taught us that life challenges are opportunities to grow and, with perseverance, you can overcome any obstacle. Before I heard this words I would always get easily discouraged when I ran into obstacles. But Mr. Stokes by reframing these challenges into opportunities gave me the strength to persevere and to never give up. He played a big role in why I’m turning O Block in Chicago into Opportunity Block.

There was nothing racial between us, a White teacher and a Black boy — just a human connection. It is because of that connection that I am where I am today. 

2. The second lesson was the importance of integrity

Mr. Stokes told me over and over that integrity is the foundation of good character. He told me life would smack me up and down but that I must hold onto my integrity by being honest, respectful, and true to my word. It is a very simple lesson and it was always the fear of losing my integrity to an immature decision or temptation that made me hold onto it all the more tightly.

3. The third lesson that Mr. Stokes taught me was the importance of being an active and positive member of my community

We are not islands unto ourselves. By contributing to the well-being of others, I would not only be improving my life but creating a stronger and more connected community. 

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I practice this every day on the South Side.

4. The fourth lesson was the impact of education

As a teacher, Mr. Stokes knew the value of education as the key to unlocking one’s potential. It sounds like a cliché, but it is the absolute truth. If one does not open one’s mind, one cannot grow and tap into their potential. Instead, they’re stunted. And Mr. Stokes was not just talking about classroom education. He told us that learning was a lifelong journey and that we must always be curious and ask questions. The more we learned, the more unique and stronger we became.

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Mr. Stokes went to Ball State University and I eventually followed him there. That man has touched me profoundly and has been one of my greatest influences outside of my family. 

There was nothing racial between us, a White teacher and a Black boy — just a human connection. It is because of that connection that I am where I am today. And it’s why I fight to restore the spirit of the individual in today’s America.

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