New wave of anxious parents opting for children to attend ‘lateovers,' ‘sleepunders’ rather than sleepovers

The New York Times recently reported on a new trend some anxious parents are embracing for their children instead of letting them have sleepovers. They’re called "sleepunders" or "lateovers" 

The concept is supposedly a new, in-between style of playdate for kids whose parents don’t want them to miss out on hanging out with their friends but also don't want them to spend the entire night at someone else’s house.

The outlet called "sleepunders" hangouts where "children come to play, but they don’t stay to sleep."

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The New York Times reported on a growing trend of parents allowing their kids to go to "sleepunders," where they stay at a friend's house late but aren't allowed to sleep over.

Providing an example of parents who prefer this style of socializing for their kids, the Times wrote, "Qarniz F. Armstrong… has never allowed her children to spend a night away from her, even with other family members. She does, however, want her kids to have normal childhood experiences, so she has settled on letting them attend parties if she can bring them home at bedtime — even if that means 2 or 3 in the morning."

According to Armstrong, the situation is a "good compromise," at least better than saying no to her kids entirely. 

The mother described how she has allowed each of her three children to attend about 10 to 12 lateovers so far with the paper describing the extra protocol that goes into Armstrong approving of these evenings. "First she calls the parents to ask them about who’s going to be there, whether they have guns and what they plan to do for the evening. She then goes inside at the drop-off, greeting the parents and anyone there."

Seattle-area licensed parenting coach Christy Keating told the Times that the new style of playdate reflects how parents seem to be more anxious these days, being more sensitive to issues like sexual abuse and gun violence.  

The outlet also cited a Pew Research survey from last year revealing that "Almost half of parents in the U.S. describe themselves as overprotective."

Armstrong’s kids, on the other hand, have not been so enthused with the setup. Her eldest son, now 20, told the Times that when he was growing up, the limited sleepover had him "definitely feeling left out a lot."

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He recalled how he "really did not want to be the one kid who had to go early" and noted that he "would have felt better if other kids’ parents did the same thing."

Ohio State University family psychology professor Sarah Schoppe-Sullivan suggested that kids are missing out if they’re not going to sleepovers, which have also been known as slumber parties. She told the outlet, "Sleepovers are a pretty normative part of U.S. kid culture and they give children an opportunity for real independence."

Schoppe-Sullivan noted that parents who are "overly cautious" about sleepovers "are usually overly cautious to other things," which she added can cause anxiety problems for kids who are forbidden from taking any risks.

Some concerned parents even go so far as letting their kids go to sleepovers as long as they’re attending too. The Times mentioned, "Not all protective parents are picking their children up. Last March, Ms. Michaud hosted a ‘mommy-and-me sleepover,’ with another mother and two children at her house in Silverdale, Wash., before her family moved to San Diego."

Keating told the paper that instead of being overprotective, parents can consider what they’re getting out of slumber parties themselves, like getting a night off from parenting.

"It’s a great way to trade babysitting and a great way for connection to other families," she said. 

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