Cultural discussion of modern parenting focuses too much on the negative and not the 'joys', experts say

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Bethany Mandel: Left demonizes parenting, right makes it look too much like a sacrifice

Author Bethany Mandel discusses why parenting seems to be portrayed negatively so often in social media.

It might not sound surprising that a conservative mother of a large family is rueful of progressive media casting a negative light on having families, but she says many on the right message parenting poorly as well.

As more American young adults wait longer to marry or even consider marriage itself an outdated institution, the traditional, larger family structure has been upended somewhat, and declining birth rates have come with it. A 2021 Pew survey found 44 percent of childless adults were either "not too likely" or "not at all likely" to have children Author Bethany Mandel, who has six children and has written extensively about what she views as pernicious "wokeness" affecting society, said left-leaning social media commentary on motherhood in particular and parenting in general often makes having children seem "awful."

"It's a drudgery. It ruins your body. Kids are terrible," she said to describe how parenting is often depicted. "There is no absence of content of women complaining about how they're miserable and how they have to drink in order to get through the day, and it impacts people's willingness to go into it. They see everyone talking about parenthood and they're like, why would I sign up for that?'" 

People who are doubtful about having families because of climate change have also been profiled in major news outlets. But Mandel said conservatives have also erred in making motherhood look like a "sacrifice" and some form of martyrdom.

The Thiem sisters, pictured here with dad Mike (left) and mom Nancy (far right), made headlines for all becoming pregnant around the same time. (Jena Primsky)

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"Like it's the most important, hard, terrible job in the world… This is such a sacrifice," she said. "And no, it's not. It's fun, and it's enjoyable, and it makes me happy and that's why I'm doing it. I'm not doing it because I love pain or that I love misery… I'm not putting myself through six children because I want to be this societal martyr."

"You get that from conservatives too. There needs to be sort of a shift in how we're marketing, and those of us who care about society are the ones who are having children. And if you are not optimistic about society, you're not going to bring a child into this world," she added. "But we need to change the way we talk about parenthood and motherhood because we're scaring the next generation of people who will be having kids away from doing it because we're making it look really awful."

Birth rates briefly recovered after a 2020 bust due to the coronavirus pandemic, but they have since continued their downward trend, according to the Brookings Institution.  

Therapist Julie Mangus said she believed the focus in the culture of discussing parenting had been on "realism" and "the drawbacks," which could be useful in giving more information to would-be moms and dads up front but also have negative consequences.

"However this emphasis can train a brain to look out more for problems, fear and negativity; which can  affect the way a parent parent’s their children in the long run," she told Fox News Digital. "As with most things, we want a healthy balance between the good, the joy and what to be cautious and aware of. Being a parent is one of the grandest joys of the human experience."

Concord, MA - July 28: A newborn baby boy yawns as he sits with his mother at Emerson Hospital. ((Photo by Jessica Rinaldi/The Boston Globe via Getty Images))

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While plenty of parents also only share the positive parts of their family life to social media, the modern addiction to phones is something that can also be a negative for parents.

"We also have become desensitized to the nature of problems when it’s all we see and hear about," Mangus said. "There is a tremendous negative drawback with the amount of information, noise and radiation pollution that is at our fingertips via tablets, phones, social media... Constant information is flowing at a rate our human bodies are not able nor designed to accurately compute and process. It’s like a overload to the system. So having all of this information for a parent all the time, unfortunately can inhibit a parent from truly being present with their child."

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Mangus added parents need to see, hear and affirm their children.

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