The Bird Poop Facial and 4 More Gross Skin Treatments You Should Never Try

“Ewwwww,” said my husband the other night, summing up both our sentiments about snail facials.

FOX News was reporting that a New York City plastic surgeon is putting snail slime on women’s faces because, he said, it contains “growth properties” and gives a “beautiful glow.” The facial is called … wait for it … the "Escarglow."

Scarily, body-fluid facials are a trend, with women out there paying good money to have icky stuff smeared all over their skin. Snail slime actually pales in comparison to these:

Bird Poop Facials

An aesthetician smears nightingale droppings, typically combined with rice bran, all over your face. The mixture contains exfoliating enzymes that supposedly refine skin texture. What a load of … crap.

Blood Facials

Last year, Kim Kardashian posted an Instagram photo of her face covered in what looked to be blood, with the hashtag #VampireFacials. As the plastic surgeon who performed Kardashian’s procedure explained to CBS Miami, two vials of a person’s blood get spun in a centrifuge machine; once the plasma rises to the top, the doctor punctures the skin with a derma pen and spreads the plasma on top. The growth factors in platelet-rich plasma are supposed to spur the creation of collagen. Seems fitting that Kardashian had blood all over her face, since she is a publicity vampire.

Urine Facials

Google around and you’ll find claims that putting pee on your face can help clear up psoriasis, eczema and acne. It’s been warned that placing urine on your face can dehydrate skin, cause a rash — and give you a severe case of the creeps — that can last indefinitely.

Semen Facials

British selfie tart Tracy Kiss reported on her blog last April that she regularly applies semen to her face, helpfully suggesting that readers find a “reliable male with a healthy diet and stamina to ensure a plentiful supply.” She gets her fix from a friend, mixing it with egg white and lavender oil before applying it to her skin which is ever so much brighter and fresher, she noted.

So this is happening.

And then there’s the fact that a brisk walk gives you a nice glow, doesn’t involve bodily fluids on your face, and it’s free. Take your pick!