Valerie Bertinelli talks healing from 'the narcissist': ‘We will no longer tolerate that behavior’
The Food Network star recently celebrated her divorce from her second husband, Tom Vitale
{{#rendered}} {{/rendered}}Valerie Bertinelli is sharing sage advice on her Instagram.
The actress posted a video of herself walking and talking to the camera, discussing her recovery from dealing with "the narcissist."
Actress Valerie Bertinelli presents onstage during a Food Network event in 2018. ( Dave Kotinsky/Getty Images for NYCWFF)
"Let’s quickly talk about the narcissist," she said. She did not specify who she was referring to. "Because it’s not about them. It’s about us. It’s about our healing. It’s about finding out who made us tolerate the intolerable.
{{#rendered}} {{/rendered}}VALERIE BERTINELLI REVEALS NEW WEIGHT LOSS AFTER GIVING UP THIS ONE THING
"This journey, the gift that they gave us I guess you could say, is that it opened our eyes to why we were letting ourselves be treated that way. So it doesn’t matter who the narcissist is. What matters is that you and I are on an amazing healing journey now, and a whole life has opened up for us because we will no longer tolerate that behavior."
The Food Network star also described how "exhausted" narcissistic behavior can be and that it can make one feel like they "were going crazy."
{{#rendered}} {{/rendered}}She concluded the video saying, "Yes it’s challenging and yes it’s difficult, but this is where the healing comes in and they’re nothing. Just become indifferent to them. You don’t love ‘em, you don’t hate ‘em, you just don’t care. But you care about you. That’s the important thing because we matter. You matter."
Bertinelli finalized her divorce from her second husband Tom Vitale in November 2022.
Tom Vitale and Valerie Bertinelli were married on New Year's Day in 2011. (Taylor Hill)
She shared the news on her social media at the time, saying, "Happily divorced. God. Finally. It's finally over. YES!"
{{#rendered}} {{/rendered}}Earlier this month, Bertinelli shared on her social media that she found past cruel text messages on her phone and revealed she was yelled at frequently.
"I have been screamed at so many times and told how fat and lazy I am," she confessed.
"I realize … that was someone just projecting on me whatever they needed to project on me, but my part in all of it was believing it, and I don't believe it anymore. But it still doesn't stop the feelings from coming up and the hurt."
{{#rendered}} {{/rendered}}Valerie Bertinelli filed for divorce from her second husband Tom Vitale in May 2022. In November, she was declared legally single. (Gregg DeGuire)
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Bertinelli did not specify who did the yelling and name-calling in any of her posts.
Much of her social media activity since the divorce has been focused on positivity.
{{#rendered}} {{/rendered}}On New Year’s Day, "The Hot in Cleveland" star shared a photo with the caption, "This new years day, 2023, is the first day of the rest of my life! I wish all of you every bit of joy and happiness and kindness that you claim. It’s all yours. Grab it!"
Before Vitale, Bertinelli was married to the late Eddie Van Halen from 1981 to 2007. They share a son — Wolfgang "Wolfie" Van Halen.
Andraia Allsop, Wolfgang Van Halen, and Valerie Bertinelli attend the 64th Annual Grammy Awards in 2022. (Axelle/Bauer-Griffin/FilmMagic)
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{{#rendered}} {{/rendered}}The actress also shared weight loss news this week, saying she dropped a jean size from participating in Dry January, during which she did not drink alcohol the entire month.
In a previous video, she explained she wanted to cut back on alcohol to avoid sugar cravings and lower stress, saying, "I want to calm down the cortisol in my body that has been raging for the last five, six years. I've been in fight, flight, freeze, fawn mode. And I want to go into rest and digest."