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In my legacy and wishes planning business, I hear a lot about families who are torn apart after a death over the "grandma’s blue bowl" phenomenon. That is when there is a family heirloom that may not have a lot of material value but holds a ton of symbolic value in the family. If grandma didn’t designate who to leave it to, family members fueled by grief tend to fight over this physical representation of family lore.  

But things have changed. More and more young people don’t have the space or emotional connection to family "stuff." 

A post has been making the rounds on social media about a woman who asked her children to pick out which of her good china and silver they wanted after her passing. None of them wanted it at all. One of her children pointed out that the china hadn’t been out of the cabinet in 30 years. Another said she was looking forward to using one of the plates as a Frisbee. The woman was devastated. 

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As the original poster noted, the gorgeous wood tables, fine glassware, silverware, china and other items that were very much valued by previous generations don’t hold the same value to many younger generations. Whether it is because of less formal entertaining, a more "on-the-go" lifestyle or just not having the room to accommodate these lavish items, these items now don’t always hold the same attachment. It may be hard to believe, but something you have cherished for decades may not be wanted by your heirs.  

tables set for wedding

The fine china and crystal used to be a staple wedding gift. But children often don't want them handed down. (iStock)

Fox’s own Dan Gainor also made this point about collectibles. He said, "Please do not leave collections of stamps, coins, china, etc. to children who are neither interested in them or have any knowledge of them. Sell them while you have the ability to get the best price." 

As a collector myself, this is very wise advice. It is hard when you are passionate about something to realize that others in your life may not share your passion. The worst thing that could happen is that you leave a collection behind to people who don’t value it and who may not understand its value, and they either trash it or sell it for a fraction of its worth. 

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The most important thing to do is to plan. For collections, find out if there is anyone in your life that is interested in preserving the collection, and if so, make sure you bequeath those items to that person or persons specifically.  

If not, you can sell it to someone who you believe will value it and care for the collection. Then, you can use that money to do something else you enjoy or leave that money to your heirs.  

Or, if you want to keep the collection, make sure you let your heirs know of its value by documenting what you have and leaving clear instructions on how to dispose of it after you pass. There are auction houses, dealers or other collectors that can help make sure it is placed with someone who values it appropriately.  

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Put those instructions in your legacy and wishes planning system (like our Future File system) to make sure your loved ones follow your own wishes for your collection and can receive an appropriate monetary value for the items. 

For other family heirlooms, do the same. And don’t have hurt feelings if something that has been in your family for generations doesn’t appeal to the younger generations. Let those items start a new life with a family who will treasure them and make their own set of good memories with them. 

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