Cowboy wisdom for GOP and Democratic conventions

Political conventions used to mean something. Many times in the old days  conventions actually decided who the nominee would be.

Today they are nothing more than coronations since the outcome is known months before.
But the party leaders and delegates still like to have a big party with overflowing buffets and free flowing liquor.

So before the two conventions take over the news cycle for the next two weeks, here is a little cowboy wisdom for the politicians, press, pundits, pollsters and party faithful.

For all the speakers, except the candidates themselves…

If you don’t have much to say, don’t take an hour to prove it.

In his Gettysburg Address Abraham Lincoln said, “The world will little note, nor long remember what we say here.” He could have been talking about convention speeches. Over the next two weeks there will be more meaningless words strung together than on an episode of “Keeping Up with the Kardashians.” All speakers should remember that Lincoln only spoke for a few minutes at Gettysburg and follow his example.

For the pundits and pollsters...

After eating an entire bull a mountain lion felt so good he started roarin’. He kept it up until a hunter come along and shot him. The moral? When you’re full of bull keep your mouth shut.

The more I listen to some of the pundits and pollsters overanalyze this election the more I realize that these folks have no clue about how real people think and live. They would all do better by keeping their mouths shut and remember that the good Lord gave you two ears and one mouth for a reason. Listen twice as much as you talk.

For the politicians…

If you want to have a drink or two that’s all right, but don’t wear out the soles of your boots on a brass rail.

There are cameras everywhere these days ready to capture your every move and put it on the internet. And the opposition will have armies of their followers who want to get a picture of you drunk and disorderly. If you drink too much whiskey and get caught on an Iphone it won’t set well with the folks back home. Just ask the Congressman who got drunk and skinny dipped in the Sea of Galilee thinking it was a religious ritual.

For all the reporters…

You can’t weigh the facts if you’ve got the scales loaded down with your opinion.

I know this is a tough concept for the liberal mainstream media but they should take it to heart. If you want folks to start watching your news shows again you might try to give more facts and less opinion. And try taking your thumb off the scale for the Democrats. I would like to see how they would fare without your constant cheerleading.

For Mitt Romney and Paul Ryan…

There’s no time to rest when there’s work to be done. Eat on the run, forget about sleep and change horses often.

After a long campaign your race is almost done. Over the next few weeks the voters will weigh the choice before them and render their verdict on November 6th. The only thing you can do is to work like Hell and convince them that your ideas are the right way forward. Even with all your hard work you still might lose. But remember, as the saying goes, the loser in a fight ain’t necessarily wrong.

For President Obama and Vice President Biden…

If you’re ridin’ ahead of the herd, take a look back every now and then to make sure it’s still followin’ you.

If you two want to keep your jobs as trail boss and comic relief, you have a lot of work to do as well. Four years ago you had the herd right behind you but since then they have scattered in the economic storms that have continued to pound the country. In order to round them up again you will need more than scaring the folks about the other guys taking away their Medicare. And if you do manage a victory you will have a bigger job patching this country together after the divisive campaign you have run.

So to all you conventioneers Republican or Democrat, have a great time in Tampa and Charlotte. And bring plenty of Prilosec for heartburn. Especially you Republicans, because after listening to the mainstream press pick you apart all week, you will need it. Democrats will just need it for overindulging at the bars and buffets.